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improvement q9What change would make your hometown more appealing to people your age? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v.1

improvement q9What change would make your hometown more appealing to people your age? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 1
It is argued that when something bad occurs, it is best to accept, while others believe that it would be better for trying to improve those events. I support the last-mentioned statement because it is much better to improve that kind of situation. Acceptance of bad occurrences on any event seems to provide people more relaxation because when we understand the situation then we will try to accompany it. For example, when you are in an unsatisfactory job with your good awareness, you will relieve from your feeling about this unwilling works. However, many people think it would be better if we can improve those bad events. It is true that to prevent any unwanted situations, we have to prepare and improve our way of thinking for solving and preventing those issues. For instance, back to talk about an unsatisfactory job in which the above paragraph informed that it is best to accept the situation, but this time, there is a better way than just accept it. Improving the mentioned event, first, you can talk with your supervisor about you unwillingness related to work issues, if they cannot change on the way they or companies work, you probably have to shift to the second option that is improving your abilities then find the new job because your performance will not be great if you still work in the unsatisfactory job. To conclude, when something bad occurs, somebody has the willingness to accept it, but others argue that it is better to try and improve which is the most suitable way to deal with these unwilling events in my thoughts.
It
is argued
that when something
bad
occurs, it is best to
accept
, while others believe that it would be
better
for trying to
improve
those
events
. I support the last-mentioned statement
because
it is much
better
to
improve
that kind of situation.

Acceptance of
bad
occurrences on any
event
seems to provide
people
more relaxation
because
when we understand the situation then we will try to accompany it.
For example
, when you are in an unsatisfactory job with your
good
awareness, you will relieve from your feeling about this unwilling works.

However
,
many
people
think
it would be
better
if we can
improve
those
bad
events
. It is true that to
prevent
any unwanted situations, we
have to
prepare and
improve
our way of thinking for solving and preventing those issues.
For instance
, back to talk about an unsatisfactory job in which the above paragraph informed that it is best to
accept
the situation,
but
this time, there is a
better
way than
just
accept
it. Improving the mentioned
event
,
first
, you can talk with your supervisor about
you unwillingness
related to work issues, if they cannot
change
on the way they or
companies
work, you
probably
have to
shift to the second option
that is
improving your abilities then find the new job
because
your performance will not be great if you
still
work in the unsatisfactory job.

To conclude
, when something
bad
occurs, somebody has the willingness to
accept
it,
but
others argue that it is
better
to
try and
improve
which is the most suitable way to deal with these unwilling
events
in my thoughts.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay improvement q9What change would make your hometown more appealing to people your age? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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