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improvement q9What change would make your hometown more appealing to people your age? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v.1

improvement q9What change would make your hometown more appealing to people your age? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 1
It is argued that when something bad occurs, it is best to accept, while others believe that it would be better for trying to improve those events. I support the last-mentioned statement because it is much better to improve that kind of situation. Acceptance of bad occurrences on any event seems to provide people more relaxation because when we understand the situation then we will try to accompany it. For example, when you are in an unsatisfactory job with your good awareness, you will relieve from your feeling about this unwilling works. However, many people think it would be better if we can improve those bad events. It is true that to prevent any unwanted situations, we have to prepare and improve our way of thinking for solving and preventing those issues. For instance, back to talk about an unsatisfactory job in which the above paragraph informed that it is best to accept the situation, but this time, there is a better way than just accept it. Improving the mentioned event, first, you can talk with your supervisor about you unwillingness related to work issues, if they cannot change on the way they or companies work, you probably have to shift to the second option that is improving your abilities then find the new job because your performance will not be great if you still work in the unsatisfactory job. To conclude, when something bad occurs, somebody has the willingness to accept it, but others argue that it is better to try and improve which is the most suitable way to deal with these unwilling events in my thoughts.
It
is argued
that when something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
occurs, it is best to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accept
, while others believe that it would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
for trying to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
. I support the last-mentioned statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
that kind of situation.

Acceptance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
occurrences on any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
seems to provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
more relaxation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when we understand the situation then we will try to accompany it.
For example
, when you are in an unsatisfactory job with your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
awareness, you will relieve from your feeling about this unwilling works.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
if we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
. It is true that to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
any unwanted situations, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
prepare and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
our way of thinking for solving and preventing those issues.
For instance
, back to talk about an unsatisfactory job in which the above paragraph informed that it is best to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accept
the situation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this time, there is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
way than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accept
it. Improving the mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
,
first
, you can talk with your supervisor about
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'you'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
you unwillingness
related to work issues, if they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
on the way they or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
work, you
probably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
shift to the second option
that is
improving your abilities then find the new job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
your performance will not be great if you
still
work in the unsatisfactory job.

To conclude
, when something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
occurs, somebody has the willingness to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accept
it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others argue that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
which is the most suitable way to deal with these unwilling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
in my thoughts.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay improvement q9What change would make your hometown more appealing to people your age? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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