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Improvement in health, education and trade are essential for the development of the poor nations. However, the government of the richer nations should take the responsibility for helping the poor nations in such areas. To what extent you agree or disagree?

Improvement in health, education and trade are essential for the development of the poor nations. However, the government of the richer nations should take the responsibility for helping the poor nations in such areas. pR5Y2
There is a substantial improvement needed in the health, education, and trade sector for the poor nations, on the other hand, the wealthy countries should take the accountability to assist the nations with the less fortune. In my opinion, I am convinced with this notion that countries who are rich in these sectors should help the needy countries by furnishing the required technology, medicine, educational materials, and modus operandi of doing the trade. To begin with, the health, education, and trade sector are the base of any country. Affluent countries should furnish the medical equipment’s such as ECG, Ventilator, and other needed machines for the survival of the human life, this in turn, will plunge the mortality rate. To illustrate this point, from the last one year, the entire world is trapped in to the pandemic of the COVID-19. In such circumstances it is the foremost duty of the richer countries to support the vulnerable nations with the required health support, vaccine, and medicines to heal the disease. Besides, the nation’s rich in the education should share the information and knowledge that can upscale the education sector to the unfortunate countries. To demonstrate this point, affluent nations should provide the books, research papers, case study, and online classes with the nations who are deprived in the education sector. Furthermore, trade is one of the essential part of the every country and the country who has healthy trade affairs should share the methodology for executing the trade this in turn, will provide guidance on how to trade that will be lucrative in nature. To conclude, fortunate countries should take the accountability to fill the gap of the poor nations in the essential sectors because that is an utmost important for the development of the poor countries.
There is a substantial improvement needed in the health,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
for the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
,
on the other hand
, the wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should take the accountability to assist the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
with the less fortune. In my opinion, I
am convinced
with this notion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
who are rich in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
by furnishing the required technology, medicine, educational materials, and modus operandi of doing the trade.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the health,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
are the base of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should furnish the medical equipment’s such as ECG, Ventilator, and other needed machines for the survival of the human life, this in turn, will plunge the mortality rate. To illustrate this point, from the last one year, the entire world
is trapped
in to the pandemic of the COVID-19. In such circumstances it is the foremost duty of the richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to support the vulnerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
with the required health support, vaccine, and medicines to heal the disease.

Besides
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation’s
rich in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should share the information and knowledge that can upscale the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
to the unfortunate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. To demonstrate this point, affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should provide the books, research papers, case study, and online classes with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
who
are deprived
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trade
is one of the essential part of the every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
who has healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trade
affairs should share the methodology for executing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trade
this in turn, will provide guidance on how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trade
that will be lucrative in nature.

To conclude
, fortunate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should take the accountability to
The usual prepositions to use after "fill" is 'with' not "the" Did you mean "fill the gap with"?
fill the gap of
the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
in the essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that is
an utmost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the development of the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
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IELTS essay Improvement in health, education and trade are essential for the development of the poor nations. However, the government of the richer nations should take the responsibility for helping the poor nations in such areas.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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