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Importance should be given to academic subjects by school . Music and sports should not be as subject . Do you agree or Disagree ? Give reasons and Examples of your answer.

Importance should be given to academic subjects by school. Music and sports should not be as subject. Give reasons and Examples of your answer. K8VN
Education plays significant role in children's life. Education is most important part to raise a child, by giving them education they become a great person. Nowadays, education is become must activity for children. Parents put their children's in school to get education. In school all subjects are equally important for children. Only give an importance on core subjects not on music and sports. I completely disagree with that statement. Reasons for disagreement are given in ensuing paragraphs. Well, in some school's they give importance only to main subjects, that is justifiable to focus on their career. When giving more importance to music or sports or other subjects students get distracted with that and they cannot give their all focus on their academic subjects. On the other hand, for growing a child needs all the information whether it is related to their core subjects or whether it is about other subjects like music and sports. Only give an importance to the academic subjects children become rote learner. For example, if children have only academic knowledge they cannot deal with every situation in their life. To conclude, importance should be given to all school subjects. For children's growth all are the plays vital role in their life. Other subjects gives knowledge to solved problem. If children have all kind of knowledge they never get afraid from their critical problems and they will face all the problems with courage.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
plays significant role in children's life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
is
Did you mean "the most"?
most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part to raise a child, by giving them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
they become a great person. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
activity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Parents put their children's in school to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. In school all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
importance
on core
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
not on music and sports. I completely disagree with that statement. Reasons for disagreement are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in ensuing paragraphs.

Well, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Incorrect plural form; it does not need any apostrophe. Did you mean "schools"?
school's
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
importance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
to main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
that is
justifiable to focus on their career. When giving more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
importance
to music or sports or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
distracted with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
that and
they cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
their all focus on their academic subjects.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, for growing a child needs all the information whether it
is related
to their core
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
or whether it is about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like music and sports.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
importance
to the academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become rote learner.
For example
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
academic knowledge they cannot deal with every situation in their life.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
importance
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to all school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. For children's growth all are the plays vital role in their life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
knowledge to solved problem. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have all kind of knowledge they never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
The usual collocation for "afraid" is "of" not "from". Did you mean "afraid of"?
afraid from
their critical
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
problems and
they will face all the problems with courage.
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IELTS essay Importance should be given to academic subjects by school. Music and sports should not be as subject. Give reasons and Examples of your answer.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
236 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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