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Importance of Art. State budget should be spent money for public services or Art?

Importance of Art. State budget should be spent money for public services or Art? Q8or3
Since ancient times art has been integral part of culture. At the same time, it is considered the most valuable cultural heritage for people. But today, people's attitudes towards industry and culture have changed. Nowadays we often hear people say that the state budget should be spent on public services, not on music and theatre. Although I agree that public investment in public services plays a very important role, I believe that it is important for society to properly finance art. On the one hand, the government should allocate most of the budget for public services, that is, all basic services such as schools, hospitals and roads, are available to all citizens regardless of their income or social status. Public services satisfy the basic needs of society and need proper funding. For example, artists, musicians and performers cannot cure diseases, don't build houses, so their role is secondary. For example, any state can do without theatre and music, but without medicine and education, they have significant problems. For this, the state must first allocate sufficient funds for public services. On the other hand, this doesn't mean money shouldn't be allocated for art, music and theatre, because they are an integral part of the cultural and intellectual development of society and entertainment. First of all, art and music draw people's attention to various events and reflect their inner significance. Quite often a single drawing, piece and song encourage many people to improve their relationships and can lead them to good. Thus, art is the main resource for the personal and intellectual development of the state. In addition, it is common to visit museums, watch movies, listen to music and have fun. Therefore, art is important to society and cannot be ignored. In conclusion, though I agree that state should devote most of its funds to such urgent needs of the society like public services, I think that arts, music and theatre should also be financed since they play an important role in raising the spiritual consciousness of people.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
ancient times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
has been integral part of culture. At the same time, it
is considered
the most valuable cultural heritage for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's attitudes towards industry and culture have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. Nowadays we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
hear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
budget should
be spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, not on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
. Although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
investment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
plays a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
role, I believe that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
to
properly
finance art.

On the one hand, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should allocate most of the budget for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
,
that is
, all basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
such as schools, hospitals and roads, are available to all citizens regardless of their income or social status.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
satisfy the basic needs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and need proper funding.
For example
, artists, musicians and performers cannot cure diseases, don't build
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
their role is secondary.
For example
, any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
can do without
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
without medicine and education, they have significant problems.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
For
this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
first
allocate sufficient funds for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
services.

On the other hand
, this doesn't mean money shouldn't
be allocated
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are an integral part of the cultural and intellectual development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and entertainment.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
draw
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's attention to various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and reflect their inner significance. Quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
a single drawing, piece and song encourage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their relationships and can lead them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is the main resource for the personal and intellectual development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
.
In addition
, it is common to visit museums,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
movies, listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and have fun.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.

In conclusion
, though I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
should devote most of its funds to such urgent needs of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
should
also
be financed
since they play an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
role in raising the spiritual consciousness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay Importance of Art. State budget should be spent money for public services or Art?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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