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What are the advantages and disadvantages of being rich?

What are the advantages and disadvantages of being rich? 5Al6N
Becoming the rich is something that all people throughout the world desire and it is also motivataion for them to try all their best. Of course, being rich could bring us both pros and cons for people. I will discuss both views in this essay. On the one hand, being rich people give us a range of advantages. The first thing that I would like to mention is that when having a lot of money, you can be affordable whatever you want to supply your demand including expensive things that other people could not have. Next, if a family has a rich and great background that they can have the best supply for their children, they can study in better environment that make them develope fully. Take some rich Korean children for an example, because of their rich parents, they can study some extra-classes with best teacher and good teaching quality that some students who do not have good conditions cannot join in. This shows that having so much money helps you consume best things. On the other hand, being rich not only bring us advantages but also disadvantages. Proving by reality shows that, There are a variety of rich people who are not happy with their life because of some reasons such as: living far from their family, encoutering with hard problems in life which makes them stressful. For instance, some famous people who earn a lot of money, they have to work all day long without taking a rest and face with negative comments on social media. Beside that, their health is also affected by their schedule that may cause some healthy issues. In conclusion, I believe that there are both strong and weak point for being rich and it depends on your way you deal with and overcome it.
Becoming the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
is something that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
throughout the world desire and it is
also
Possible spelling mistake found.
motivataion
for them to try all their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
.
Of course
, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
could bring us both pros and cons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. I will discuss both views in this essay.

On the one hand, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give us a range of advantages. The
first
thing that I would like to mention is that when having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money, you can be affordable whatever you want to supply your demand including expensive things that other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could not have.
Next
, if a family has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
and great background that they can have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
supply for their children, they can study in better environment that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
Possible spelling mistake found.
develope
fully
. Take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
Korean children for an example,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
parents, they can study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extra-classes with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
teacher and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
teaching quality that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students who do not have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
conditions cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
you consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
things.

On the other hand
, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
bring us advantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
disadvantages. Proving by reality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that, There are a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are not happy with their life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons such as: living far from their family,
Possible spelling mistake found.
encoutering
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
problems in life which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them stressful.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work all day long without taking a rest and face with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
comments on social media. Beside that, their health is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by their schedule that may cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
healthy issues.

In conclusion
, I believe that there are both strong and weak point for being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
and it depends on your way you deal with and overcome it.
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IELTS essay What are the advantages and disadvantages of being rich?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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