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imagine you are going to an English speaking country to live write a letter yo a rental agency in your letter say what type os a house you need what the house size should be in what area should be located v.1

imagine you are going to an English speaking country to live write a letter yo a rental agency in your letter say what type os a house you need what the house size should be in what area should be located v. 1
It is often argued that people are becoming more socially active with the emergence of the internet and technology, while others feel that they have become less sociable. This essay will discuss both the views and argue that people have become more sociable with the advent of modern technology; followed by a reasoned conclusion. In this day and age, social media is ubiquitous and bring people closer who are living in numerous countries around the globe. Some social networking sites, such as Facebook help people to make new friends online and talk to someone they have never met before. Furthermore, there are some groups on these websites which allow anyone to join the discussion and share their ideas with others. A recent survey exhibits that more than 40% of the world’s population confirmed that with the help of such sites, it is possible to contact old friends they have lost contact with, after schools or colleges. Therefore, it is evident that people have become friendlier using net. This argument is further weakened by the fact that society as a whole is becoming disjointed and fragmented. Despite staying active on the web, people spend less time with their family and relatives. Nowadays, people spend more time in chatting online alone in their rooms, which can lead to isolation. For example, a research done in Canada, by the Times Magazine showed that every year more than 45% of the teenagers fight problems like depression. Hence, people should use internet to some extent and must ensure that it does not become an obsession. In conclusion, although people face alienation from their loved ones due to excessive usage of net, one cannot hide from the fact that technology has proven to be more beneficial in bringing people together. It is recommended that local communities should organise gatherings and events where people can spend time with each other.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming more
socially
active with the emergence of the internet and technology, while others feel that they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
less sociable. This essay will discuss both the views and argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more sociable with the advent of modern technology; followed by a reasoned conclusion.

In this day and age, social media is ubiquitous and bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
closer who are living in numerous countries around the globe.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
social networking sites, such as Facebook
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends online and talk to someone they have never met
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Furthermore
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
groups on these websites which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
anyone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the discussion and share their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
with others. A recent survey exhibits that more than 40% of the world’s population confirmed that with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of such sites, it is possible to contact
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
friends they have lost contact with, after schools or colleges.
Therefore
, it is evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
friendlier using net.

This argument is
further
weakened by the fact that society as a whole is becoming disjointed and fragmented. Despite staying active on the web,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their family and relatives. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in chatting online alone in their rooms, which can lead to isolation.
For example
, a research done in Canada, by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
Magazine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that every year more than 45% of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
fight problems like depression.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
internet to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
ensure that it does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
an obsession.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face alienation from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
due to excessive usage of net, one cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
from the fact that technology has proven to be more beneficial in bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together. It
is recommended
that local communities should
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
gatherings and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with each other.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay imagine you are going to an English speaking country to live write a letter yo a rental agency in your letter say what type os a house you need what the house size should be in what area should be located v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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