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Imagine that you have received some land to use as you wish. How would you use this land? Use specific details to explain your answer. v.1

Imagine that you have received some land to use as you wish. How would you use this land? Use specific details to explain your answer. v. 1
As per the reports, eminent personalities related to sports and film industry received quite high salaries for their work a year ago. It can be evident from the fact that these people are often carrying luxurious handbags, commuting in vintage vehicles, wearing expensive outfits. On the other hand, doctors, engineers, teachers are receiving very less wages as compared to these stars. In my opinion, it is not appropriate as these skills are for the betterment of mankind and they deserve better rewards. As the image of movie stars is projected as of a hero on the screen people start loving and replicating them. They get spell bounded by seeing their favourite character on television. But in reality, a myriad of famous personalities consume sedative substances, use abusive languages and disrespect their parents. Renowned pop star Lady Gaga is the perfect example. She is always involved in controversies and has never done anything great for the community actually except misleading youth. Huge fan following is one of the prime reasons why these folks demand trillions of dollars for their contribution to the industry. Conversely, there are many professions like that of a medical practitioner, a hardworking lawyer and an engineer requiring good quality education and skilled training for serving humanity. But it is quite disappointing that their wages are not even one tenth of that of entertainment and sports figures. To exemplify, my cousin who is a heart specialist earns only$5000 a month. On the contrary, income of even spot boy is much more than this. Their salaries should reflect their dedication and the heavy responsibilities they face in their jobs. To recapitulate, it is not justified to pay very low rewards to the true contributors of society and there must be regulatory system in which pay must be decided as per the criticality of the job and its contribution towards society, not merely in terms of popularity only we will be having medical help to treat humanity, tutor to impart education And lawyer to protect our citizen's rights in the coming future.
As per the reports, eminent personalities related to sports and film industry received quite high salaries for their work a year ago. It can be evident from the fact that these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
carrying luxurious handbags, commuting in vintage vehicles, wearing expensive outfits.
On the other hand
, doctors, engineers, teachers are receiving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun wages is countable.
less
wages as compared to these stars. In my opinion, it is not appropriate as these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are for the betterment of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
mankind and
they deserve better rewards.

As the image of movie stars
is projected
as of a hero on the screen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
loving and replicating them. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
spell bounded by seeing their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
character on television.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in reality, a myriad of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
personalities consume sedative substances,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
abusive languages and disrespect their parents. Renowned pop star Lady Gaga is the perfect example. She is always involved in controversies and has never done anything great for the community actually except misleading youth. Huge fan following is one of the prime reasons why these folks demand trillions of dollars for their contribution to the industry.

Conversely
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
professions like that of a medical practitioner, a hardworking lawyer and an engineer requiring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality education and skilled training for serving humanity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it is quite disappointing that their wages are not even one tenth of that of entertainment and sports figures. To exemplify, my cousin who is a heart specialist earns
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
$5000 a month.
On the contrary
, income of even spot boy is much more than this. Their salaries should reflect their dedication and the heavy responsibilities they face in their jobs.

To recapitulate, it is not justified to pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low rewards to the true contributors of society and there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be regulatory system in which pay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be decided
as per the criticality of the job and its contribution towards society, not
merely
in terms of popularity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
we will be having medical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to treat humanity, tutor to impart education And lawyer to protect our citizen's rights in the coming future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Imagine that you have received some land to use as you wish. How would you use this land? Use specific details to explain your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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