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ILLNESSES CAUSED BY STRESS HAVE BEEN INCREASED. WHY?

ILLNESSES CAUSED BY STRESS HAVE BEEN INCREASED. WHY? JoYV0
With the very moment of stepping into the hustle and bustle of the life all people in the world are becoming more and more exposed to stressful situations and experiences. However, when we glance at our past we will definitely realize that the amount of stress in people’s daily lives has considerably increased in comparison with our ancestors. This, in turns, has set the stage for the huge boom in the number of diseases. Though there are various explanation for the main causes of stress, I would like to speak about the most discernible ones in the subsequent body paragraphs. To commence with, the humanity has been encountering an unprecedented evolution in all aspects of life, including economy, industry and technology. These changes are in all walks of the life and surround us everywhere. The new edge-cutting innovations, discoveries and ground-breaking news constantly thrill, excite and cause anger to humanity. In other words, we are kind of getting used to being deprived from our tranquil life, always expecting something new. For example, people today are incessantly being told about the possible effects of global warming, pollution and economic disasters on their lives, hence, feeling worried about their security. So, this condition, in my opinion, brings a lot of stress and concern. In addition, I would like to mention the paramount cause of stress for the time being, money. People, like ever before, are struggling to become reach and this; unfortunately, has become the main goal of their lives. Which is more awful, is that people today consider money to be omnipotent and able to provide them happiness, the sense of fulfilment and pride. And as we all know “money doesn’t grow on trees” and earning money is rather a strenuous process, requiring a lot of sufferings. Being involved in such process, obviously causes a lot stress and; therefore, further illnesses. In the light of the aforementioned reasons, I will vehemently declare that money and the developing world are the main sources of stress and have had an adverse effects on humans’ health.
With the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
moment of stepping into the hustle and bustle of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world are becoming more and more exposed to stressful situations and experiences.
However
, when we glance at our past we will definitely realize that the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
has
considerably
increased
in comparison
with our ancestors. This, in turns, has set the stage for the huge boom in the number of diseases. Though there are various explanation for the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
, I would like to speak about the most discernible ones in the subsequent body paragraphs.

To commence with, the humanity has been encountering an unprecedented evolution in all aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, including economy, industry and technology. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
are in all walks of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and surround us everywhere. The new edge-cutting innovations, discoveries and ground-breaking news
constantly
thrill, excite and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
anger to humanity.
In other words
, we are kind of getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to being
The usual collocation for "deprived" is "of" not "". Did you mean "deprived of"?
deprived from
our tranquil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, always expecting something new.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are
incessantly
being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
about the possible effects of global warming, pollution and economic disasters on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
hence
, feeling worried about their security.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this condition, in my opinion, brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
and concern.

In addition
, I would like to mention the paramount
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
for the time being,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
, like ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, are struggling to become reach and this; unfortunately, has become the main goal of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Which is more awful, is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to be omnipotent and able to provide them happiness, the sense of
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
and pride. And as we all know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“money
doesn’t grow on trees” and earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
rather
a strenuous process, requiring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
sufferings.
Being involved
in such process,
obviously
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
a lot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
and;
therefore
,
further
illnesses.

In the light of the aforementioned reasons, I will
vehemently
declare that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and the developing world are the main sources of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
and have had an adverse
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "effect"?
effects
on humans’ health.
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IELTS essay ILLNESSES CAUSED BY STRESS HAVE BEEN INCREASED. WHY?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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