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If you were given the choice of a school or work assignment, would you prefer to write long or give speech in front of a large group of people? v.1

If you were given the choice of a school or work assignment, would you prefer to write long or give speech in front of a large group of people? v. 1
It is common to work when you are a student, there are a lot of opportunities for it. However, it may lead to some problems. The average age of students is approximately 23 years old. At this age, they wish they would be independent of their parents care and assistance, have extra money for parties, travelling, and bars. Furthermore, they will not be required to report on their expenses. Having a part-time job is a good way to feel freedom. For example, if you want to take up a trip with your friends you will not ask your parents for money and explain the expenditures. Another reason to have a job is getting a new experience, which is concerned with your future Specialty. Usually, companies prefer undergraduate students with work background instead of those without it. All kinds of works take people’s strength and energy, so students may spend more than 12-14 hours without rest per day with all labour they have. In my opinion, the best solution to live with less stress and pressure during the university period is scholarships. For instance, one year ago I won an Erasmus+ scholarship for studying one semester in Germany, which supported my accommodation, health insurance and free money for everyday costs. Thus, I did not have to find a job to live there, so I could concentrate on my courses. Nevertheless, I have to work in my hometown during semesters. As students are not paid well, I have two different jobs. The consequences of this hectic lifestyle are that I am always exhausted and sleep, it is tough to concentrate on some tasks. In conclusion, financial support from universities, governments or some funds will help students to achieve more results in their education and not waste their energy on work.
It is common to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
when you are a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
opportunities for it.
However
, it may lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems.

The average age of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is approximately 23 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. At this age, they wish they would be independent of their parents care and assistance, have extra money for parties, travelling, and bars.
Furthermore
, they will not
be required
to report on their expenses. Having a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to feel freedom.
For example
, if you want to take up a trip with your friends you will not ask your parents for money and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the expenditures. Another reason to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is getting a new experience, which
is concerned
with your future Specialty.
Usually
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
prefer undergraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
background
instead
of those without it.

All kinds of works take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s strength and energy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may spend more than 12-14 hours without rest per day with all
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
they have. In my opinion, the best solution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and pressure during the university period is scholarships.
For instance
, one year ago I won an Erasmus+ scholarship for studying one semester in Germany, which supported my accommodation, health insurance and free money for everyday costs.
Thus
, I did not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
there,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I could concentrate on my courses.
Nevertheless
, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in my hometown during semesters. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are not paid well, I have two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. The consequences of this hectic lifestyle are that I am always exhausted and sleep, it is tough to concentrate on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tasks.

In conclusion
, financial support from universities,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
funds will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to achieve more results in their education and not waste their energy on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay If you were given the choice of a school or work assignment, would you prefer to write long or give speech in front of a large group of people? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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