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If you were given a chance to change, what changes would you implement in 21st century to make your world a better living place. Discuss a few changes.

If you were given a chance to change, what changes would you implement in 21st century to make your world a better living place. Discuss a few changes. NVnEN
Wise men says, time changes everything and that the change is constant and inevitable. I shall depict my ideas of what changes I would bring about if I were offered that sovereignty. My strongest desire is to see the world where no one has to struggle to get adequate and upto the mark medical treatment. Firstly, diagnosis of severe ailments will be straight forward as a consequence of peresence of high technological apparatuses and innovative devices. Secondly, recovery and cure of deleterious diseases will be less byzantine, this will be because of constant effort put by the scientists doing constant research on treatment of the such ailments. Lastly, the percentage of human mortality will dramatically dwindle and therefore, resulting in enhancement of quality of life. In this rampant age of mordenism, the life of human from womb to tomb is completely surrounded with the machines. Majority of machines release toxic wastes which are extremely dangerous for our environment and hence, I also wish to ban such machinery and promote green Tech to make our mother earth a better place for our progeny. To sum it up, if I were offered a chance to change I would surely make efforts in improving healthcare and technological sectors.
Wise
men
says, time
changes
everything and that the
change
is constant and inevitable. I shall depict my
ideas
of what
changes
I would bring about if I
were offered
that sovereignty.

My strongest desire is to
see
the world where no one
has to
struggle to
get
adequate and
upto
the mark medical treatment.
Firstly
, diagnosis of severe ailments will be straight forward as a consequence of
peresence
of high technological apparatuses and innovative devices.
Secondly
, recovery and cure of deleterious diseases will be less
byzantine
, this will be
because
of constant effort put by the scientists doing constant research on treatment of the such ailments.
Lastly
, the percentage of human mortality will
dramatically
dwindle and
therefore
, resulting in enhancement of quality of life.

In this rampant age of
mordenism
, the life of human from womb to tomb is completely surrounded with the machines. Majority of machines release toxic wastes which are
extremely
dangerous
for our environment and
hence
, I
also
wish to ban such machinery and promote green Tech to
make
our mother earth a better place for our progeny.

To sum it up, if I
were offered
a chance to
change
I would
surely
make
efforts in improving healthcare and technological sectors.
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IELTS essay If you were given a chance to change, what changes would you implement in 21st century to make your world a better living place. Discuss a few changes.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
205 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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