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If you could meet a famous entertainer or athlete, who would that be, and why? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice. v.2

If you could meet a famous entertainer or athlete, who would that be, and why? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice. v. 2
It is argued that more people prefer to share personal information with the Information Technology companies in exchange to access the software application. While sharing sensitive information to technology companies can be a security risk because they are the target of hackers, I believe that the positive benefits far more outweighs the drawback. Providing personal data to the software companies can be dangerous because this can be the target of hackers. This means that sensitive data will be compromised whenever the fraudulent groups hacked the personal account. The most common targets are bank accounts or credit cards, which is the easiest way for hackers to steal money. That is why many people have lost millions of dollars as a consequence of providing sensitive details, such as bank account, to technology companies, which later on hacked. For instance, the Central Bank of the Philippines reported in 2019 that hackers steal a huge amount of money from the bank account holders. However, I believe the use of software applications provides more advantages than the pressing problem in sharing personal data with software companies. The most significant merit in the use of a software application program is the platform design to process tremendous jobs beyond human capacity. It is highly important to many people as this can increase productivity and efficiency. As a result, the majority of people in the world are profoundly dependent on the use of many applications such as Microsoft, Word, Excel, and PowerPoint. For example, every individual uses Microsoft Office Applications as primary tools to perform daily work. Therefore, accessing software applications is far more outweigh the drawback as it functions great jobs than humans. In conclusion, the tremendous functions of software applications beyond human knowledge far more outweigh the risk of providing personal details to technology companies.
It
is argued
that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to share
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
information with the Information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
in exchange to access the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
application
. While sharing sensitive information to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
can be a security
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are the target of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hackers
, I believe that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
benefits far more outweighs the drawback.

Providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
data to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this can be the target of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hackers
. This means that sensitive data will
be compromised
whenever the fraudulent groups hacked the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
account
. The most common targets are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accounts
or credit cards, which is the easiest way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hackers
to steal money.
That is
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have lost millions of dollars as a consequence of providing sensitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
account
, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, which later on hacked.
For instance
, the Central
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Bank
of the Philippines reported in 2019 that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hackers
steal a huge amount of money from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
account
holders.
However
, I believe the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
provides more advantages than the pressing problem in sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
data with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

The most significant merit in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
application
program is the platform design to process tremendous jobs beyond human capacity. It is
highly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as this can increase productivity and efficiency.
As a result
, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world are
profoundly
dependent on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
such as Microsoft, Word, Excel, and PowerPoint.
For example
, every individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
Microsoft Office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Applications
as primary tools to perform daily work.
Therefore
, accessing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
is far more outweigh the drawback as it functions great jobs than humans.

In conclusion
, the tremendous functions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
beyond human knowledge far more outweigh the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay If you could meet a famous entertainer or athlete, who would that be, and why? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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