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If there’s a way to improve yourself, which one among the three choices you would take? - take more exercise- eat healthy food- reduce the amount of stress v.2

If there’s a way to improve yourself, which one among the three choices you would take? - take more exercise- eat healthy food- reduce the amount of stress v. 2
Although many believe the better way to improve themselves is to eat healthy food, while others believe they can improve themselves by reducing the amount of their stress. I, on the other hand, believe take more exercise is the better way to improve myself. I will address the most discernible reasons why I feel this way in the following. To begin with, life is challenging these days and we experience many stress while we working or when we are in university. Accordingly, exercising give us opportunity to forget our problems, thus, I prefer to do more exercise to release my problem and unwinding for a moments. To share personal experience. When I was a university students I felt a lot of stress, because my major study was really hard. One day I decided to go jogging in a beutyful park near my apartment. What I experienced was amazing, because while I jogging I did not think to any thing else even my assignments and my personal problem, in better word I felt free. Therefore, I decided to wake up early in the morning and do some exercise in that park. Not only that, but also exercising helped me to do better in university. I realized if I could do some hard exercise I could do my assignments as well. Moreover, I am a very busy man. Last year I decided to attend university again in different major field and I have been working in a big company as senior manager. Hence, I consume a lot of food to mantain my performance. However, todays people access to more organic foods in stores, but the major of peoples food contain a lot of pesticed. According to new survey 90 percent of all honey around the world contain pesticed. Consequently, eating food is inevitable, thus we must maintain our health from other methods. I believe exercising is a good altarnative. By exercising I can maintain my health and also it provide me apportunity to loss some weight and stay fit. In conclusion, It is for all the aforementioned reasons, I firmly believe take more exercise is a good way to improve myself. This is because it helps me release my stress, and because it helps me stay healthy.
Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
themselves is to eat healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, while others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
themselves by reducing the amount of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
. I,
on the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
take more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
myself. I will address the most discernible reasons why I feel this way in the following.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, life is challenging these
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
days and
we experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
while
Did you mean "we're working", "we are working", or "we were working"?
we working
or when we are in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
Accordingly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
give us opportunity to forget our problems,
thus
, I prefer to do more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
to release my problem and unwinding for
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a moment" or simply "moments"?
a moments
. To share personal experience. When I was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
students I felt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
my major study was
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
. One day I decided to go jogging in a
Possible spelling mistake found.
beutyful
park near my apartment. What I experienced was amazing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
while
Did you mean "I'm jogging", "I am jogging", or "I was jogging"?
I jogging
I did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
to
Did you mean "anything"?
any thing
else even my assignments and my personal problem, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
word I felt free.
Therefore
, I decided to wake up early in the morning and do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
in that park. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. I realized if I could do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
I could do my assignments
as well
.

Moreover
, I am a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
. Last year I decided to attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
again in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
major field and I have been working in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
as senior manager.
Hence
, I consume
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
mantain
my performance.
However
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
access to more organic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
in stores,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the major of peoples
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
contain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Possible spelling mistake found.
pesticed
. According to new survey 90 percent of all honey around the world contain
Possible spelling mistake found.
pesticed
.
Consequently
, eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is inevitable,
thus
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
maintain our health from other methods. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake found.
altarnative
. By
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
I can maintain my health and
also
it
Did you mean "provides"?
provide
me
Possible spelling mistake found.
apportunity
to loss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
weight and stay fit.

In conclusion
, It is for all the aforementioned reasons, I
firmly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
take more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
myself. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
me release my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
me stay healthy.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes

IELTS essay If there’s a way to improve yourself, which one among the three choices you would take? - take more exercise- eat healthy food- reduce the amount of stress v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
375 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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