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If there’s a way to improve yourself, which one among the three choices you would take? - take more exercise- eat healthy food- reduce the amount of stress v.1

If there’s a way to improve yourself, which one among the three choices you would take? - take more exercise- eat healthy food- reduce the amount of stress v. 1
In this modern era, many people are reckoned to think that repairing items that stopped working is a waste of time. Consequently, everyone prefers to throw the things away instead of repairing them. In this essay, we will look at some reasons and consequences of this change in perception of people. Those who held assumption that people don't want to fix things intentionally. Firstly, in this fast growing world, sometimes people don't even have time to eat food on time. As a result, they don't have time to check the daily issue, let alone the part about fixing things. For instance, according to recent studies, an average employed person works almost 10 hours a day. After spending this much amount of time at work, you cannot expect someone to pay attention to the minor things. If the workload of an employee is reduced, they would be able to focus on these extra tasks as well. Moreover, This lifestyle is reducing creativity in people. In earlier times, these used to be a fun and recreational activities. For example, No one used to pay for mechanic for fixing small electrical equipments, instead, everyone used to have their own garage and hardware kit. In contrast, if everyone pull out some time from routine to fix and maintain items, it will lead to more creativity and will be budget friendly as well. To sum up, the inability to pull out time for fixing goods, is leading to a lack of mental growth on a wider scale. We must be careful about the time we invest in our work life and personal life. It is our fundamental duty to maintain a balance between both.
In this modern era,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are reckoned
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that repairing items that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
working is a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Consequently
, everyone prefers to throw the things away
instead
of repairing them. In this essay, we will look at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons and consequences of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in perception of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Those who held assumption that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don't want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
things
intentionally
.
Firstly
, in this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
growing world,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don't even have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to eat food on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
As a result
, they don't have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the daily issue,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
alone the part about fixing things.
For instance
, according to recent studies, an average employed person works almost 10 hours a day. After spending this much amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at work, you cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
someone to pay attention to the minor things. If the workload of an employee is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
, they would be able to focus on these extra tasks
as well
.

Moreover
, This lifestyle is reducing creativity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be a fun and recreational activities.
For example
, No one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to pay for mechanic for fixing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
electrical equipments,
instead
, everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
garage and hardware kit.
In contrast
, if everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "pulls", "pulled".
pull
out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
from routine to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
and maintain items, it will lead to more creativity and will be budget friendly
as well
.

To sum up, the inability to pull out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for fixing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, is leading to a lack of mental growth on a wider scale. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be careful about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
we invest in our work life and personal life. It is our fundamental duty to maintain a balance between both.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay If there’s a way to improve yourself, which one among the three choices you would take? - take more exercise- eat healthy food- reduce the amount of stress v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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