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If some peolpe get a chanse to choose between life withput work and spending most of the time working

If some peolpe get a chanse to choose between life withput work and spending most of the time working ew2n7
Although, many people believe that some individuals get opportunity to select life among work and without job, then they choose not to work. Is good convincing, I think in a reverse manner, i agree with the given statement. My inclination is justified the following paragaraphs. Out of all the arguments, the strongest one to prove my point is without job life provided so many aminities. As a good example is, people have no worry about the work and stress of the workforce pressure. Also, they spend qualitiy of time with their family so that family bonds are storngs. On the other hand, individuals easly attached with social life. They also spend more time on healthcare and some exercise which helps the better life balance. The other reason to prove my point is people with work give more opportunities to live a better life. people get no borde at home and if they work they give basic needs through a work incoms. However, the work also provided a work-life balance. people have chanse to prove their ability and talend thorugh a work. They also get more confident and live their life with comfortably when they work. To conclude, in my opinion, work is most necessary for a work-life balance and healthy life compared to without work life.
Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
opportunity to select
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and without job, then they choose not to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
convincing, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
Consider replacing "in a reverse manner" with the adverb for "reverse"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a reverse manner
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement. My inclination
is justified
the following
Possible spelling mistake found.
paragaraphs
. Out of all the arguments, the strongest one to prove my point is without job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
provided
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
aminities
. As a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example is,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no worry about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of the workforce pressure.
Also
, they spend
Possible spelling mistake found.
qualitiy
of time with their family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that family bonds are
Possible spelling mistake found.
storngs
.
On the other hand
, individuals
Possible spelling mistake found.
easly
attached with social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. They
also
spend more time on healthcare and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exercise which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
balance. The other reason to prove my point is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
give more opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
no
Possible spelling mistake found.
borde
at home and if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
they give basic needs through a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
Possible spelling mistake found.
incoms
.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
also
provided a work-life balance.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
have
Possible spelling mistake found.
chanse
to prove their ability and
Possible spelling mistake found.
talend
Possible spelling mistake found.
thorugh
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. They
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more confident and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with
comfortably
when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
To conclude
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is most necessary for a work-life balance and healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
compared to without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.

IELTS essay If some peolpe get a chanse to choose between life withput work and spending most of the time working

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
216 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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