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Write about a tragic event and the causes of this event

Write about a tragic event and the causes of this event VPjjO
To be honest picking just one of all the great psychologal theories that I've learnt throughout this course is not an easy choice for me because after every week I could see the relationship between real life and psychology greated than ever, but to begin with relating psychology to the world around me I want to talk about Bystander interferenc and the Milgram shock obedience experiment which had caused some actions happening at the same time in a particular event, bloody November, that took place in Iran on 2019. https: //en. m. wikipedia. org/wiki/2019%E2%80%932020_Iranian_protests The example I decided to share talks about one of the recent protest against government after the raise in petrol price in Iran; the protest was from common people in the society against government members and their soldiers, the Milgram shock obedience experiment stated how far people are willing to obey authority right when government ordered to shot everyone attending in the protest and many more immoral and horrible things they had done to the victims. Right now in the London tribunal to hear victim's accounts of Iranian repression of 2019 Fuel protests; we can hear soldiers confessing they didn't want to shot people or torture them and they were only obeying the orders and didn't know how to stop or if they knew it's absolutely immoral they couldn't help but continuing to follow the leader. According to Raha Bahraini, security forces detained hundreds of children and adolescents in Khuzestan, Kermanshah, Kurdistan and Ilam provinces, and in Kohgiluyeh and Boyer-Ahmad provinces, some of them were detained after school protests, electrocuted and tortured. I think this is the point where we understand what we have learned from our course more clear than ever so in Stanly Milgram experiment where people are following authority if you feel it's wrong then it's very important to speak up because the model you set when others see it makes them more likely to speak up as well so maybe if one of the force's leaders would have the courage to ignore the orders everything could be different now for Iranians and the families who have lost their loved ones during this protests. Along side of the authority and how soldiers were obeying orders even against their wish there is also another psychological effect that gets your attention while reading about this tragic event like what I noticed, the Bystander interferenc, the cause of many filming the victims in need instead of helping and many running and leaving where you could simply stay and help another individual and how many people would gather around the injured people on the ground and only watching them die. This diffusion of responsibility; sort of conformity effect and spread of responsibility which makes your portion of it feel smaller along side of authority is what has happend several times when you hear from the victoms of this immoral event. To sum up I want to highlight that by knowing about psychology and even the smallest things we learned during this course we can relate and understand people's actions and eventually help to build a safer society where science is playing an undeniable and important role. Maybe even in this particular case people could stand up and defend their morals against their leaders or people could help and prevent many deaths causing from the diffusion of responsibility and take the immediate action to save another individual immediately
To be honest picking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one of all the great
Possible spelling mistake found.
psychologal
theories that I've
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
throughout this course is not an easy choice for me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
after every week I could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the relationship between real life and psychology
Possible spelling mistake found.
greated
than ever,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with relating psychology to the world around me I want to talk about Bystander
Possible spelling mistake found.
interferenc
and the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Milgram
shock obedience experiment which had caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
actions happening at the same time in a particular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
, bloody November, that took place in Iran on 2019.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
https
: //en. m.
Possible spelling mistake found.
wikipedia
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
org
/wiki/2019%E2%80%932020_
In standard English, a word does not contain an underscore character (_). Make sure that the word 'Iranian _ protests' is correct.
Iranian_protests


The example I decided to share talks about one of the recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protest
against
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
after the raise in petrol price in Iran; the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protest
was from common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the society against
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
members and their soldiers, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Milgram
shock obedience experiment stated how far
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to obey
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authority
right when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
ordered to shot everyone attending in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protest
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more immoral and horrible things they had done to the victims. Right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
in the London tribunal to hear victim's accounts of Iranian repression of 2019 Fuel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protests
; we can hear soldiers confessing they didn't want to shot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or torture
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
obeying the orders and didn't know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
or if they knew it's
absolutely
immoral they couldn't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
continuing to follow the leader. According to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Raha
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bahraini
, security forces detained hundreds of children and adolescents in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Khuzestan
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kermanshah
, Kurdistan and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ilam
provinces, and in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kohgiluyeh
and Boyer-Ahmad provinces,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
were detained
after school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protests
, electrocuted and tortured.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is the point where we understand what we have learned from our course more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Stanly
Possible spelling mistake found.
Milgram
experiment where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authority
if you feel it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
then it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to speak up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the model you set when others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them more likely to speak up
as well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
maybe if one of the force's leaders would have the courage to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the orders everything could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
for Iranians and the families who have lost their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones during
Did you mean "these"?
this
protests.

Did you mean "alongside"?
Along side
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authority
and how soldiers were obeying orders even against their wish there is
also
another psychological effect that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
your attention while reading about this tragic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
like what I noticed, the Bystander
Possible spelling mistake found.
interferenc
, the cause of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
filming the victims in need
instead
of helping and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
running and leaving where you could
simply
stay and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
another individual and how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would gather around the injured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on the ground and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
watching them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
. This diffusion of responsibility; sort of conformity effect and spread of responsibility which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
your portion of it feel smaller
Did you mean "alongside"?
along side
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authority
is what has
Possible spelling mistake found.
happend
several times when you hear from the
Possible spelling mistake found.
victoms
of this immoral
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
.

To sum up I want to highlight that by knowing about psychology and even the smallest things we learned during this course we can relate and understand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's actions and
eventually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to build a safer society where science is playing an undeniable and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role. Maybe even in this particular case
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could stand up and defend their morals against their leaders or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
deaths causing from the diffusion of responsibility and take the immediate action to save another individual
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
immediately

IELTS essay Write about a tragic event and the causes of this event

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
568 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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