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If a person is given a choice between life without work and working a lot, he would prefer to have a life without work. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

If a person is given a choice between life without work and working a lot, he would prefer to have a life without work. v. 1
There is a wide difference between what the media should do and what is it doing. It is noticeable that freedom of expression given to media is often misused by the media and for this reason there has been a growing concern regarding the unbridled privilege media enjoy. Though, some people favour this freedom given to the media, I strongly oppose this for several solid reasons. A casual look at contemporary reality shows, movies, songs, chemicals and even news releases that the media has known qualms catering filth to the their audience to gain cheap popularity. For example, there are numerous advertisement that used beautiful girls merely as sex objects and try to sell certain products. Besides, very often media encroaches on the personal space of public figure, which is against the democracy in my view. For instance, reporters and cameramen burst into video celebrity house and shoot the video of their personal life which is considered as seizure of individual freedom of privacy. Degradation is another reason for more restrictions on media. Instead of bringing the truth to the people, media deceives in various ways. There are many instances of some political party patronising some newspapers and TV channels. Consequently, This newspaper and TV channels never show the negative side of its patron. On the other hand, sometimes on account of their personal grudge media professionals publish fallacious news about some public figures. A common man is deprived of being right to know the truth. To conclude, considering the rot that has set in the media and the way. They blackmail people, it is high time to check their flexibility.
There is a wide difference between what the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
should do and what is it doing. It is noticeable that freedom of expression
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
misused by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and
for this reason
there has been a growing concern regarding the unbridled privilege
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
enjoy. Though,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
this freedom
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, I
strongly
oppose this for several solid reasons.

A casual look at contemporary reality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, movies, songs, chemicals and even news releases that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has known qualms catering filth to
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "their audience" or "the audience"?
the their audience
to gain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
popularity.
For example
, there are numerous advertisement that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
girls
merely
as sex objects and try to sell certain products.
Besides
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
encroaches on the personal space of public figure, which is against the democracy in my view.
For instance
, reporters and cameramen burst into video celebrity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and shoot the video of their personal life which
is considered
as seizure of individual freedom of privacy.

Degradation is another reason for more restrictions on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
Instead
of bringing the truth to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
deceives in various ways. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
instances of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
political party
Possible spelling mistake. 'patronising' is British English.
patronising
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
newspapers and TV channels.
Consequently
, This newspaper and TV channels never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side of its patron.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
on account of their personal grudge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
professionals publish fallacious news about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
public figures. A common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
is deprived
of being right to know the truth.

To conclude
, considering the rot that has set in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and the way. They blackmail
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, it is high time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
their flexibility.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay If a person is given a choice between life without work and working a lot, he would prefer to have a life without work. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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