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IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample 469 - The best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities

IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample 469 - The best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities m8WJn
Nowadays, many people have a sedentary lifestyle which causes many vital health problems. Some people suggest building more sports facilities, while some think that it only causes little effects, and other measures need to be taken. I, wholeheartedly, agree that providing more sport facilities would not be the most optimal way to increase public health and other measures are required. To begin with, sports facilities have the sole purpose of improving a person’s health, and by increasing the number of sport facilities the capacity of people can use the facility will increase dramatically. In addition, building sport facilities in different areas will undoubtedly shorten the travel distance required. For instance, people, who have to travel long hours just to use the sports facilities, will be less interested to use the sports facilities. On the other hand, it is known that simple exercise does not require sports facilities. To illustrate some examples, exercising by jogging around the neighbourhood or doing simple stretches can be done at home. In addition, increasing the capacity of sports facilities would not affect public health, since only a few people who daily go these facilities, like body builders. Hence, other measures should be taken. For example, funding hospitals with low cost and high quality to make medicines and operations more affordable; planting more trees in many areas, especially in the most polluted cities, to fix the abysmal air quality. To sum up, I believe that even building hundreds and thousands of sports facilities still would only cause little effect on public health. In my opinion, providing more affordable hospital and planting more trees will cause more impact to the public health
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a sedentary lifestyle which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suggest building more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
effects, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures need to
be taken
. I,
wholeheartedly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that providing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities would not be the most optimal way to increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures
are required
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities have the sole purpose of improving a person’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, and by increasing the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities the capacity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the facility will increase
dramatically
.
In addition
, building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas will
undoubtedly
shorten the travel distance required.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
travel long hours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities, will be less interested to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it
is known
that simple exercise does not require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities. To illustrate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
examples, exercising by jogging around the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
or doing simple stretches can
be done
at home.
In addition
, increasing the capacity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities would not affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, since
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who daily go these facilities, like body builders.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures should
be taken
.
For example
, funding hospitals with low cost and high quality to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
medicines and operations more affordable; planting more trees in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
areas,
especially
in the most polluted cities, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
the abysmal air quality.

To sum up, I believe that even building hundreds and thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities
still
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. In my opinion, providing more affordable hospital and planting more trees will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
more impact to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
health
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IELTS essay IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample 469 - The best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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