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I will talk about what I am doing yedterday

I will talk about what I am doing yedterday BYrgj
Good evening, Today, I will talk about what I'm doing yesterday. Yesterday, after we finished our breakfast, my auntie Ahlam called me to go with her to the dentist. First, I said no but she begged me to go with her and then I agreed so I went to grandma's house and we found there my cousins Rawan, Razan, and Rua'a. They prepared for launch rice with lentils and lasagna with ground meat and it's so scrumptious. Honestly, I like it. when we finished launch we got out to the balcony and brought some coffee and oats with us and after that they brought lemonade. Some bees attacked us there and we escaped. Razan's daughter dropped and she hurts her eye and a lot of blood came out of it, and we put a plaster on it. Then she slept for three hours and when she woke up, she very well. Auntie Huda took her to the hypermarket and brought a lot of chips, chocolate, and oats. When we decide to go home uncle Waleed told us that he would arrive us. When I arrived I found my dad waited me and mom. He took my mom with him to bring my sister from her work and bought some coffee.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Good
evening,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, I will talk about what I'm doing yesterday. Yesterday, after we finished our breakfast, my auntie
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ahlam
called me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
her to the dentist.
First
, I said no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
she begged me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
her and then I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I went to grandma's
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
house and
we found there my cousins
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rawan
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Razan
, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rua
'a. They prepared for launch rice with lentils and lasagna with ground meat and it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
scrumptious.
Honestly
, I like it. when we finished launch we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
out to the balcony and brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
coffee and oats with us and after that they brought lemonade.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
bees attacked us there and we escaped.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Razan
's daughter
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
dropped and
she hurts her eye and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
blood came out of it, and we put a plaster on it. Then she slept for three hours and when she woke up, she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well. Auntie
Possible spelling mistake found.
Huda
took her to the hypermarket and brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
chips, chocolate, and oats.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
we decide to go home uncle
Possible spelling mistake found.
Waleed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
us that he would arrive us. When I arrived I found my dad waited me and mom. He took my mom with him to bring my sister from her work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
coffee.
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IELTS essay I will talk about what I am doing yedterday

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
210 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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