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Human beings copy celebrities by following them and adopt their fashion and clothes. To what extent do you agree.

Human beings copy celebrities by following them and adopt their fashion and clothes. xO2xg
It is indeed that fashion has become the demand of the day therefore in this contemporary era, almost everyone follows the latest fashion trend and glamorous clothes which give fabulous look to people. Accord to this statement firmly agree. So I will discuss my views in the following paragraphs. To begin with, why do people have to need to fit in and stem out oddly. First, people keenly attract to stunning things like goggles, clothes, makeup hairstyle and language which urge people to adopt it immediately because these things are shown by their celebrities so ordinary people try to copy celebrities their customs as well as their eating habits. For instance, most of the girls’ fans of Bollywood star Deepika Padukone, thus they make hairstyles like her as well as also wear dresses like her. Second, people have to change their style due to the passage of time, if they don't accept new trends thus they are considered conservative by others, consequently, they may not be acceptable. For instance, myriad works places in India hire those people who have adorable personalities, turning to another example, English has become popular in every field many companies only hire those people who have excellent communication skills in English. Moreover fashion gives direction to enjoy the life thus people remain happy when they adopt new things which are associating to modern world as well as new trends of fashion which is accountable to increase confidences and also enhances their personality. Apart from this, celebrities are those who indicate people towards the latest designs and costumes such as many dress which are usually designed by the dressing sense of celebrities even tailors and common beautician imitate celebrities. To recapitulate, human beings are social animals that crave application and acceptance. For this, the easiest way to achieve this is to follow others and learn from others to remain in dresses latest world.
It is
indeed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
has become the demand of the day
therefore
in this contemporary era, almost everyone follows the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
trend and glamorous clothes which give fabulous look to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Accord to this statement
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I will discuss my views in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, why do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
need to fit in and stem out
oddly
.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
keenly
attract to stunning things like goggles, clothes, makeup hairstyle and language which urge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to adopt it immediately
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these things
are shown
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to copy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
their customs
as well
as their eating habits.
For instance
, most of the girls’ fans of Bollywood star
Possible spelling mistake found.
Deepika
Possible spelling mistake found.
Padukone
,
thus
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
hairstyles like her
as well
as
also
wear dresses like her. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their style due to the passage of time, if they don't accept new trends
thus
they
are considered
conservative by others,
consequently
, they may not be acceptable.
For instance
, myriad works places in India hire those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have adorable personalities, turning to another example, English has become popular in every field
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
hire those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have excellent communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in English.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
gives direction to enjoy the life
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
remain happy when they adopt new things which are associating to modern world
as well
as new trends of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
which is accountable to increase confidences and
also
enhances their personality. Apart from this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are those who indicate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards the latest designs and costumes such as
Possible agreement error. The noun dress seems to be countable; consider using: "many dresses".
many dress
which are
usually
designed by the dressing sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
even tailors and common beautician imitate celebrities.

To recapitulate, human beings are social animals that crave application and acceptance. For this, the easiest way to achieve this is to follow others and learn from others to remain in dresses
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
world.
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IELTS essay Human beings copy celebrities by following them and adopt their fashion and clothes.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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