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However, some people always dreamed of a life which could be accomplished by being wealthy. The younger generation has always seemed to be attracted towards a materialistic lifestyle. Besides, for several others being wealthy is entirely necessary as they have to support huge families. For instance, a study suggests that overpopulation in Asia is the cause of poverty resulting in a plethora of people being victims of malnutrition. These are the people in dire need of basic resources and a stable flow of income would definitely bring little joy to their lives. In conclusion, money isn't essential for everyone but it definitely plays a crucial role among the people struggling to procure the basic needs for survival. Additionally, having wealth won't lessen your happiness but it will definitely secure you for uncertain times.

However, some people always dreamed of a life which could be accomplished by being wealthy. The younger generation has always seemed to be attracted towards a materialistic lifestyle. Besides, for several others being wealthy is entirely necessary as they have to support huge families. For instance, a study suggests that overpopulation in Asia is the cause of poverty resulting in a plethora of people being victims of malnutrition. These are the people in dire need of basic resources and a stable flow of income would definitely bring little joy to their lives. In conclusion, money isn't essential for everyone but it definitely plays a crucial role among the people struggling to procure the basic needs for survival. Additionally, having wealth won't lessen your happiness but it will definitely secure you for uncertain times. 11q3n
However, some people always dreamed of a life which could be accomplished by being wealthy. The younger generation has always seemed to be attracted towards a materialistic lifestyle. Besides, for several others being wealthy is entirely necessary as they have to support huge families. For instance, a study suggests that overpopulation in Asia is the cause of poverty resulting in a plethora of people being victims of malnutrition. These are the people in dire need of basic resources and a stable flow of income would definitely bring little joy to their lives. In conclusion, money isn't essential for everyone but it definitely plays a crucial role among the people struggling to procure the basic needs for survival. Additionally, having wealth won't lessen your happiness but it will definitely secure you for uncertain times.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always dreamed of a life which could
be accomplished
by being wealthy. The younger generation has always seemed to
be attracted
towards a materialistic lifestyle.
Besides
, for several others being wealthy is
entirely
necessary as they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
support huge families.
For instance
, a study suggests that overpopulation in Asia is the cause of poverty resulting in a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
being victims of malnutrition. These are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in dire need of basic resources and a stable flow of income would definitely bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
joy to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In conclusion
, money isn't essential for everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it definitely plays a crucial role among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
struggling to procure the basic needs for survival.
Additionally
, having wealth won't lessen your happiness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it will definitely secure you for uncertain times.

IELTS essay However, some people always dreamed of a life which could be accomplished by being wealthy. The younger generation has always seemed to be attracted towards a materialistic lifestyle. Besides, for several others being wealthy is entirely necessary as they have to support huge families. For instance, a study suggests that overpopulation in Asia is the cause of poverty resulting in a plethora of people being victims of malnutrition. These are the people in dire need of basic resources and a stable flow of income would definitely bring little joy to their lives. In conclusion, money isn't essential for everyone but it definitely plays a crucial role among the people struggling to procure the basic needs for survival. Additionally, having wealth won't lessen your happiness but it will definitely secure you for uncertain times.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
133 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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  • However, some people always dreamed of a life which could be accomplished by being wealthy. The younger generation has always seemed to be attracted towards a materialistic lifestyle. Besides, for several others being wealthy is entirely necessary as they have to support huge families. For instance, a study suggests that overpopulation in Asia is the cause of poverty resulting in a plethora of people being victims of malnutrition. These are the people in dire need of basic resources and a stable flow of income would definitely bring little joy to their lives. In conclusion, money isn't essential for everyone but it definitely plays a crucial role among the people struggling to procure the basic needs for survival. Additionally, having wealth won't lessen your happiness but it will definitely secure you for uncertain times.