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How will the proposed study contribute to your career*? (Characters - 1993)

How will the proposed study contribute to your career*? (Characters - 1993) Mm8yN
As my primary aim is to expand health related knowledge to the public, I believe that the proposed study will contribute to advance knowledge, theories, practical activities and communication skills for my career. Currently, I have been participating intensely in health related knowledge sharing programs with public health talk at schools, universities, urban and rural health centers and villages. Although these programs have been performing throughout Myanmar, there is still a considerable population density to extend further health awareness. If I improve my knowledge, expertise, ideas and evaluation skills from this study, I can seek more opportunities for arranging effective programs and campaigns to support the public awareness. Besides, I will be able to analyze the current health system and fulfill the needs for better outcomes based on analytical skills from this study. As educating the public to possess personal and community health-related attitudes and behaviors are fundamental, I would like to provide efficient strategies to progress a better and healthy society through different possible pathways. Nowadays, social media has become one of the essential platforms to link with the public and I have been engaging in health related social media educating programs at my current work. I have noticed that it strongly impacts the audiences to spread health information widely. After this study, I will be able to plan more effective social advocacy strategies based on the concepts, knowledge and skills that I hope to acquire from this study. Finally, I will have a chance to communicate, learn and share from Australia’s health system, which is one of the best in the world and other different countries’ health systems from classmates too. From these experiences, I will compare, analyze, adapt and participate in more health related categories to expand health knowledge and improve health literacy towards a qualified and effective health care system in Myanmar.
As my primary aim is to expand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
, I believe that the proposed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
will contribute to advance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
, theories, practical activities and communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
for my career.
Currently
, I have been participating
intensely
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
talk at schools, universities, urban and rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
centers and villages. Although these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
have been performing throughout Myanmar, there is
still
a considerable population density to extend
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
awareness. If I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
, expertise,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and evaluation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
from this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, I can seek more opportunities for arranging effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
and campaigns to support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
awareness.

Besides
, I will be able to analyze the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
and fulfill the needs for better outcomes based on analytical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
from this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. As educating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
to possess personal and community health-related attitudes and behaviors are fundamental, I would like to provide efficient strategies to progress a better and healthy society through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
possible pathways. Nowadays, social media has become one of the essential platforms to link with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
and I have been engaging in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
social media educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
at my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
work. I have noticed that it
strongly
impacts the audiences to spread
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
information
widely
. After this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, I will be able to plan more effective social advocacy strategies based on the concepts,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that I hope to acquire from this study.

Finally
, I will have a chance to communicate, learn and share from Australia’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
, which is one of the best in the world and other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
from classmates too. From these experiences, I will compare, analyze, adapt and participate in more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
categories to expand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
literacy towards a qualified and effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
in Myanmar.
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IELTS essay How will the proposed study contribute to your career*? (Characters - 1993)

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
306 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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