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A Person That I Admire ...

A Person That I Admire ... GN8Lw
A person I admire is Bill gates. He started a new bussiness because he think he has to change the world and did it! . He became very very rich because of his hard work and when, probably, everibody will left the job and start a rich live he start a new job, a job for help poor people, that is incredible. I admire him because he work a lot looking for a better world, not looking only his only benefecit. That is somenthing that is increible, he has a big house, a expensive car, probably he has everything he want, but that is not his aim, he want a better world and that is why I admire him. Bill gates change our lives with new computers, new technologies, but also he change the live of people in disvantage trying to find ways to improve their lives, and he invest lot of money in that objective and, in my opinion, all of us need to stop and think in our aims in our live.
A person I admire is
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Bill gates
. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
Possible spelling mistake found.
bussiness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "thinks", "thought".
think
he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the world and did it!
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
He became
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rich
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and when,
probably
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
everibody
will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "leave"
left
the job and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "starts", "started".
start
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
job, a job for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
that is
incredible.

I admire him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he work
If you mean a great quantity, use "a lot of looking"?
a lot looking
for a better world, not looking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefecit
.
That is
Possible spelling mistake found.
somenthing
that is
Possible spelling mistake found.
increible
, he has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
,
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
expensive car,
probably
he has everything he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "wants", "wanted".
want
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that is
not his aim, he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "wants", "wanted".
want
a better world and
that is
why I admire him.

If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Bill gates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
computers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
technologies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "changes", "changed".
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
disvantage
trying to find ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
, and he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "invests", "invested".
invest
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
money in that objective and, in my opinion, all of us need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
in our aims in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
.
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IELTS essay A Person That I Admire ...

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
174 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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