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how to use ATM in your country

how to use ATM in your country NwGKN
In the first part, I’ll start with some general information about the notion of ATM. It is an electronic telecommunications device that enables customers to perform financial transactions. Let’s move on to the importance of ATM. It makes more convenient for customers to withdraw money. ATM is everywhere and works 24/7 so customers can withdraw money anytime and anywhere. With small amount of money, customers can withdraw it at ATM without going to the bank. Moving on to the next part is disadvantages. ATM is easy to break or requires maintenance. Out of money in the machine but the bank hasn’t replenished it in time. The problems which i often have encountered when using ATM is maintenance. That’s very annoying. It spent me a long time finding another ATM. Now let’s move on to the finally section. Can ATM replace human teller or bank teller? My opinion is nope. ATM can’t absolutely replace human teller or bank teller. Because they can advise customer and fulfill customers needs. ATM is not. It’s just a machine. Only the function of this is money withdrawal so it can’t replace human teller or bank teller. Thank you for your listening.
In the
first
part, I’ll
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
general information about the notion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ATM
. It is an electronic
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "telecommunications'" or "telecommunication's"?
telecommunications
device that enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
to perform financial transactions.
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Let
’s
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move
on to the importance of
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ATM
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
more convenient for
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customers
to withdraw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
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ATM
is everywhere and works 24/7
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so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
can withdraw
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money
anytime and anywhere. With
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
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customers
can withdraw it at
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ATM
without going to the bank.

Moving on to the
next
part is disadvantages.
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ATM
is easy to break or requires maintenance. Out of
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money
in the machine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
hasn’t replenished it in time. The problems which
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have encountered when using
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ATM
is maintenance. That’s
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very
annoying. It spent me a long time finding another ATM.

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Now
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let
’s
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move
on to the
finally
section. Can
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ATM
replace human
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teller
or
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bank
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teller
? My opinion is nope.
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ATM
can’t
absolutely
replace human
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teller
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teller
.
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Because
they can advise
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customer
and fulfill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
needs.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ATM
is not. It’s
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just
a machine.
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Only
the function of this is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
withdrawal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it can’t replace human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teller
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teller
. Thank you for your listening.
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IELTS essay how to use ATM in your country

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
196 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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