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How the roles performed by man and women in the family have changed

How the roles performed by man and women in the family have changed JqaNk
In the past, in most cultures, family life was much different than it is now. Women had to stay at home to do housework and take care of the family. Sometimes, there were women who went to work, however, they are weaker in physical strength than men, so they were paid less even for very hard work. Obviously, men were considered to be the sole breadwinner in the family. Today, the role of women is equal to that of men. Women can be more comfortable in their lives. They can go to work and go to school, without depending too much on their husbands. At home, housework is divided equally between husband and wife. husband and wife become equally important, both are treated equally. Therefore, women today feel happier than before.
In the past, in most cultures, family life was much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Did you mean 'different "from"? 'Different than' is often considered colloquial style.
than
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
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Women
had to stay at home to do housework and take care of the family.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, there were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who went to work,
however
, they are weaker in physical strength than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
,
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so
they
were paid
less even for
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very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.
Obviously
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
were considered
to be the sole breadwinner in the family.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
is equal to that of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
can be more comfortable in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. They can go to work and go to school, without depending too much on their husbands. At home, housework
is divided
equally
between husband and wife.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
husband
and wife become
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, both
are treated
equally
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
feel happier than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

IELTS essay How the roles performed by man and women in the family have changed

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
131 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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