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How peoples health is getting affected by technology will there be increase in health due to technology .Do you agree?

How peoples health is getting affected by technology will there be increase in health due to technology. Do you agree? R2DqY
Recently, there have been a lot of discussions about health and whether it is going to improve or not. In my opinion, I think that people will become unhealthier in the future than they are now. There are many reasons that support the idea of people becoming unhealthy in the future. Firstly, one reason is that of food. People tend to eat more fast food nowadays. They tend to treat themselves with sweets and chocolate whenever they want. This appears to be because people are busier now than they used to be. So, people don’t have a chance to cook or even learn the art of cookery. Also, having a lot of unhealthy food can lead to obesity and it could be a serious issue in the future. Another reason is that technology is developing everyday. Young people enjoy buying new gadgets and the latest devices. This has a negative impact on their health, especially when they enjoy video games. Spending long hours looking at a screen can lead to bad eyesight and obesity as well. Yet another reason is that laziness is a big issue. Different forms of exercise might disappear in the future because people don’t like sports. Also, people prefer spending most of their time on the internet and the internet is growing every single day. Other people might disagree and say that health will improve in the future. They believe that new sports and new ways to exercise will appear in the future. However, I don’t think it can happen since the majority of people spend less time outdoors. Moreover, other people believe that technology will try and help people improve their health. For example, there have been some games released on the Wii console that makes people exercise but technology is developing more in a negative way. For instance, many phone industries are developing new applications everyday and today’s generation likes to follow every trend. This prevents people to go outside to exercise. They like to spend more time on the internet downloading new programmes or reading gossips about celebraties. This affects people’s health badly. In conclusion, I believe that people’s health is affected negatively by fast food, technology and sports and it will be a problem in the future.
Recently, there have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
discussions about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and whether it is going to

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
or not. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will become unhealthier in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
than

they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons that support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
becoming unhealthy in the future.

Firstly
, one reason is that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
tend to eat more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
nowadays. They tend to

treat themselves with sweets and chocolate whenever they want. This appears to be

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are busier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
than they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t have a chance to

cook or even learn the art of cookery.
Also
, having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
can lead to obesity

and it could be a serious issue in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. Another reason is that technology is developing

'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
gadgets and the latest devices. This has a

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
especially
when they enjoy video games. Spending long

hours looking at a screen can lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
eyesight and obesity
as well
.
Yet
another reason

is that laziness is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
issue.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
might disappear in the future

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t like sports.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer spending most of their time on the

internet and the internet
Did you mean "are"?
is
growing every single day.

Other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might disagree and say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. They believe

that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
sports and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
ways to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
will appear in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
However
, I don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it

can happen since the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend less time outdoors.
Moreover
, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people


believe that technology will
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
For example
, there

have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
games released on the Wii console that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but


technology is developing more in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
phone industries are

developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
applications
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s generation likes to follow every trend.

This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to go outside to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. They like to spend more time on the internet

downloading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
or reading gossips about
Possible spelling mistake found.
celebraties
.
Did you mean "these"?
This
affects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s

health
badly
.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
negatively
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, technology

and sports and it will be a problem in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
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IELTS essay How peoples health is getting affected by technology will there be increase in health due to technology. Do you agree?

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
375 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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