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Gave your opinion on the following statement "Happiness is a direction, not a place" v.1

Gave your opinion on the following statement "Happiness is a direction, not a place" v. 1
My opinion is that Sydney J. Harris wants to give us an alternative to a joyful life. Her statement is pure and the message sent is powerful for the people that forgot how to enjoy the road, not just the finish line. Firstly, so many people around are disappointed about small things. I think that people should lower their expectations, this will help them to feel joy even when they make a mistake. For example, a lot of teenagers these days are suffering from depression, that’s happening because nobody teaches them how to see bad moments in their life, as opportunities. Furthermore, lowering expectations might be a healthy way of thinking, making humans more confident and self-aware. Happiness comes from simple actions. Secondly, on the other hand, nobody can always be happy. The delight of our lives depends upon the quality of our thoughts and the quality of our living. An ill person won't be as happy as a healthy person because of that oppressive thought. Of course, rising happiness of a person isn't impossible, an example of this is helping those in need. Moreover, the Buddhist work years to achieve Nirvana, the perfect peace and happiness. My conclusion is that happiness is the direction, but we should work on it to maintain it in this way.
My opinion is that Sydney J. Harris wants to give us an alternative to a joyful life. Her statement is pure and the message
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
is powerful for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that forgot how to enjoy the road, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the finish line.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around
are disappointed
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
things. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should lower their expectations, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to feel joy even when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a mistake.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
these days are suffering from depression, that’s happening
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nobody teaches them how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
moments in their life, as opportunities.
Furthermore
, lowering expectations might be a healthy way of thinking, making humans more confident and self-aware. Happiness
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from simple actions.

Secondly
,
on the other hand
, nobody can always be happy. The delight of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
depends upon the quality of our thoughts and the quality of our living. An ill person won't be as happy as a healthy person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that oppressive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
.
Of course
, rising happiness of a person isn't impossible, an example of this is helping those in need.
Moreover
, the Buddhist work years to achieve Nirvana, the perfect peace and happiness.

My conclusion is that happiness is the direction,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we should work on it to maintain it in this way.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay Gave your opinion on the following statement "Happiness is a direction, not a place" v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
217 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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