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How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? GMJkg
It is often argued that the immigration becomes a good chance to settle down as starting the second life. Some people might think that inhabitants must respect the native rules when they begin to stay in a new nation. In my opinion, although following the culture of new country is required, I strongly disagree with the idea. This essay will address the perspective of immigration. First of all, new inhabitants should stay up to not lose their identity. When people settle down to a new country, they might think proud of their cultures because immigration does not mean to throw away their own position. For example, they teach their children about own customs and traditions to continue the next generation because maintaining culture is to keep the identity as an immigrant. Moreover, they might suffer the mental disease when it comes to following new customs. In other words, when immigrants intend the traditions of the new country, they might be going to be weak mentally due to the conflict of the cultural differences. For instance, when they struggle the rules to choose, their mentality might be confused and it leads some mental disease such as depression and homesick because they have to choose the rules which is complicated. Therefore, this phenomenon would deteriorate their new life with mental conflict. In conclusion, in spite of the fact that respecting native customs and traditions are necessary, we need to encourage immigrants to hold their own cultures. And also, they must stand up to be proud of themselves for their new life.
It is
often
argued that the immigration becomes a
good
chance to settle down as starting the second life.
Some
people
might
think
that inhabitants
must
respect the native
rules
when they
begin
to stay in a
new
nation. In my opinion, although following the
culture
of
new
country
is required
, I
strongly
disagree with the
idea
. This essay will address the perspective of immigration.

First of all
,
new
inhabitants should stay up to not lose their identity. When
people
settle down to a
new
country, they
might
think
proud of their
cultures
because
immigration does not mean to throw away their
own
position.
For example
, they teach their children about
own
customs and traditions to continue the
next
generation
because
maintaining
culture
is to
keep
the identity as an immigrant.

Moreover
, they
might
suffer the mental disease when it
comes
to following
new
customs.
In other words
, when immigrants intend the traditions of the
new
country, they
might
be going to be weak mentally due to the conflict of the cultural differences.
For instance
, when they struggle the
rules
to choose, their mentality
might
be confused
and it leads
some
mental disease such as depression and homesick
because
they
have to
choose the
rules
which
is complicated
.
Therefore
, this phenomenon would deteriorate their
new
life with mental conflict.

In conclusion
,
in spite of
the fact that respecting native customs and traditions are necessary, we need to encourage immigrants to hold their
own
cultures
. And
also
, they
must
stand up to be proud of themselves for their
new
life.
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IELTS essay How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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