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How it should be advertisement?

How it should be advertisement? Wy15b
Advertisement has been advancing together with the generation. The earliest things of them was made of paper as posters. It was displayed the places which many people's attraction. After that, we have advertised something in newspapers, in radio, and in television. These days, SNS is one of the method to advertise some products for each person. I hear that, it is important for business person to get the knowledge of money and attracting customers especially advertisement. Advertisement sometimes becomes opportunities to buy the products. In fact, I bought some snacks when I saw the TV commercial and want to eat them. Also, when I use SNS, I often get some information which I am interested in. I heard that advertisement in SNS are changed by use's age, sex, search history and the way of money. Therefore, I think advertising is successful at persuading us to buy things. On the other hand, it is also said that there are too many advertisement to attract people's attention. They explain that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. In practice, when we pay attention to each advertise, we would spend a lot of time to get information what we want. For these reason, I think we often ignore the exist of some advertisement. In conclusion, sometimes we are attracted the advertisement, sometimes we are not interested in them. These reasons why, I think when the company want to attract their product by seeing advertisement, they must design them considering other advertisements and attract more and more people.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advertisement
has been advancing together with the generation. The earliest things of them
was made
of paper as posters. It
was displayed
the places which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's attraction. After that, we have advertised something in newspapers, in radio, and in television. These days, SNS is one of the method to advertise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
products for each person. I hear that, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for business person to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the knowledge of money and attracting customers
especially
advertisement.

Advertisement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
becomes opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the products. In fact, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
snacks when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the TV commercial and want to eat them.
Also
, when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
SNS, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
information which I
am interested
in. I heard that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
in SNS are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
's age, sex, search history and the way of money.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
advertising is successful at persuading us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things.

On the other hand
, it is
also
said that there are too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
to attract
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's attention. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
that advertising is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
common that we no longer pay attention to it. In practice, when we pay attention to each advertise, we would spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
information what we want. For these reason, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'exist' is correct. If 'exist' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the exist
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advertisement.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
we
are attracted
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
we are not interested in them. These reasons why, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
when the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
want to attract their product by seeing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
design them considering other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
and attract more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
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IELTS essay How it should be advertisement?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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