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How has the globalization changed the world of entertainment (TV, films, music)?

How has the globalization changed the world of entertainment (TV, films, music)? gxqW1
Entertainment industry is strongly influenced by the global trends with several achievement in all fields as well as the combination of cultures around the world. The evolution of the entertainment business in industrialized and emerging countries is provided below. To begin with, technology is one of the most important factors that completely changed the world of entertainment. There are more and more science fiction movies using the modern techniques to create scenes that couldn’t happen in the today’s life. Many blockbusters have been produced by computer-generated imagery, which is applied to make fictitious characters. On the development of new methods, the entertainment industry will bring the best quality products to the audience.
Entertainment industry is
strongly
influenced by the global trends with
Possible agreement error. The noun achievement seems to be countable; consider using: "several achievements".
several achievement
in all fields
as well
as the combination of cultures around the world. The evolution of the entertainment business in industrialized and emerging countries
is provided
below.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, technology is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors that completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the world of entertainment. There are more and more science fiction movies using the modern techniques to create scenes that couldn’t happen in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
blockbusters have
been produced
by computer-generated imagery, which
is applied
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
fictitious characters. On the development of new methods, the entertainment industry will bring the best quality products to the audience.

IELTS essay How has the globalization changed the world of entertainment (TV, films, music)?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
112 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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