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How does money affect behaviors of people

How does money affect behaviors of people ox1p9
Money has been one of the most important things for people for centuries. Usually people determine the status of other people in society according to their money. if you have a lot of money, you are loved by everyone and they respect you, but if you don't have money, you are looked down upon by everyone. I think money change people differently depending on the situation. We've seen a lot of people on social media, usually these people become drug addicts after they're famous, they do bad things, and they end up bankrupt. Also, there are some people who first became poor and then became rich they lose their morals and begin to look down on other people. İ mean, money gives a person a sense of self-confidence. Let's look at the example of Elon Musk. He was only 12 years old when he wrote and released his first program. when he began to earn a lot of money, he never broke his position and invested his income in something more useful to humanity. Entirely, how money changes a person depends on a person's character, and how he uses his money depends on his intellect. As Bill Gates said " if you are born poor, it is not your mistake, but if you die poor, it is your mistake".
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Money
has been one of the most
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important
things for
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people
for centuries.
Usually
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people
determine the status of other
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people
in society according to their money.

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if
you have
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a lot of
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money
, you are
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loved
by
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
everyone and
they respect you,
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but
if you don't have
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money
, you
are looked
down upon by everyone.

I
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think
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money
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change
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people
differently
depending on the situation. We've
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seen
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a lot of
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people
on social media,
usually
these
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people
become drug addicts after they're
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famous
, they do
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bad
things, and they
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end
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up


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bankrupt
.
Also
, there are
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some
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people
who
first
became poor and then became rich they lose their morals and
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begin
to look down on other
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people
. İ mean,
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money
gives a person a sense of self-confidence.

L
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et'
s look at the example of Elon Musk. He was o
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nly
12 years o
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ld
when he wrote and released his f
irst
program.
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when
he began to earn a
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lot of
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money
, he never broke his position
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
and


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invested
his income in something more useful to humanity.
Entirely
, how
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money
c
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hanges
a person depends on a person's character, and how he u
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ses
his
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money
depends on his intellect. As Bill Gates
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
said


Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
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if
you
are born
poor, it is not your mistake, b
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ut
if you d
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ie
poor, it is your mistake
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
.
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IELTS essay How does money affect behaviors of people

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
219 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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