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how do you think movies and tv can influence the behavior of ordinary people? give reasons and examples to support your response.

how do you think movies and tv can influence the behavior of ordinary people? give reasons and examples to support your response. QRO0K
Television and movies are generally perceived as one of the most critical aspect of human life. Although in the previous generation some people are opposed to possess tv in their own home, nowadays television and movies are believed to be an indispensable part of family activities. I firmly believe that it has a great impact on the culture and behavior of people in both, negative and positive side. First and foremost, a great deal of people's leisure time are spent on watching tv or movies. At first these activities seem to be desirable, but when it pose a addict behavior, it can exert destructive effect on the whole part of human life. For instance, in the previous decades because of lack of modern technology children spent more time on sport activities which is necessities for their mental and physical health. Moreover, participation in such activities can help children to aquire and apply a wide range of social skills, the ones they would never learn otherwise. And the children who get habit by televiosin and movies are deprived of interaction with their peers which is may face serious problems in their social relationships in the future. On the other hand, we have a large number of cultures worldwide which people can be familiar with it through watching television program and movies of that countries. And thanks to the modern technology, in the fraction of minute people in all around the world can be alert about every new occurs. Beside this, tv and movies may lead to developing countries motives to be closer to developed ones and learn many costructive things from them and revolutionize their community. Furthermore awareness of people about whole world cause governments impose a law against crime and this is naturally followed by decrease corruption in all of the societies. To sum up, I tend to think that tv programs and movies invented to be welfare of humand life. and we should consider that it depends on how people using could exert adverse effects or proper effects.
Television and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
are
generally
perceived as one of the most critical aspect of human life. Although in the previous generation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are opposed
to possess
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
home, nowadays television and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
are believed
to be an indispensable part of family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. I
firmly
believe that it has a great impact on the culture and behavior of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in both,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side.

First
and foremost, a great deal of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's leisure time
are spent
on watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
. At
first
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
seem to be desirable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when it
Did you mean "poses"?
pose
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
addict behavior, it can exert destructive effect
on the whole
part of human life.
For instance
, in the previous decades
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of modern technology children spent more time on sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which is necessities for their mental and physical health.
Moreover
, participation in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
children to
Possible spelling mistake found.
aquire
and apply a wide range of social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
they would never learn
otherwise
. And the children who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
habit by
Possible spelling mistake found.
televiosin
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
are deprived
of interaction with their peers which is may face serious problems in their social relationships in the future.

On the other hand
, we have
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
cultures worldwide which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be familiar with it through watching television program and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
of that countries. And thanks to the modern technology, in the fraction of minute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in all around the world can be alert about every new occurs. Beside this,
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
may lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
motives to be closer to developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
and learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
costructive
things from them and revolutionize their community.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about whole world cause
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
impose a law against crime and this is
naturally
followed by decrease corruption in
Consider using "all the".
all of the
societies.

To sum up, I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
programs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
invented to be welfare of
Possible spelling mistake found.
humand
life.
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
and
we should consider that it depends on how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
using could exert adverse effects or proper effects.
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IELTS essay how do you think movies and tv can influence the behavior of ordinary people? give reasons and examples to support your response.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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