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How did you decide to do what you do for living?

How did you decide to do what you do for living? 3YMoY
Several years ago, parents wished for their children to become doctor or engineer. Most children liked to become pilot or police officer. But nowadays everything has changed and high education is not in priority of the world's people. Everyone know that, job and money do not happy human and there are many different things to enjoy in life. I am working in a field that I have liked. When I wanted to go to the university, many engineering fields such as civil engineering were very common between students but computer engineering was a new study field in universities and work environments. I never liked medical and I was interested in engineering, especially computer engineering, which was a new field in the world. I studied computer in university and graduated with an associate degree but I did not find everything that I expected to learn in university. There were some academic lessons and those were not enough to use in work, so I did not continue studying in university and I started to earn myself more computer knowledge. I studied computer programming and passed some international computer networking courses and those became the basis of my skills and then I was hired as a computer engineer. After about 15 years, I felt that I could continue education and went to university and graduated bachelor and master degree in computer engineering and now I am a software engineer and I work in a ICT company as an IT project manager. As I said initially, jobs and money are not basic aim in life and we must enjoy in work. I am interested in my career and I love to spend a lot of time by computer, especially when I am programming and solving a problem or developing a software. This is my reason for deciding what I do for living.
Several years ago, parents wished for their children to become doctor or engineer. Most children liked to become pilot or police officer.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
nowadays everything has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
and high education is not in priority of the world's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Everyone
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "knows".
know
that, job and money do not happy human and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things to enjoy in life.

I am working in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
that I have liked. When I wanted to go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
such as civil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common between students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
was a new study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environments. I never liked
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
medical and
I
was interested
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
,
especially
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
, which was a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
in the world.

I studied computer in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
and graduated with an associate degree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I did not find everything that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to learn in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. There were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
academic lessons and those were not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I did not continue studying in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to earn myself more computer knowledge. I studied computer programming and passed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
international computer networking courses and those became the basis of my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and then I
was hired
as a computer engineer. After about 15 years, I felt that I could continue education and went to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
and graduated bachelor and master degree in computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
I am a software engineer and I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
ICT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
as an IT project manager.

As I said
initially
, jobs and money are not basic aim in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
enjoy in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. I
am interested
in my career and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time by computer,
especially
when I am programming and solving a problem or developing a software. This is my reason for deciding what I do for living.
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IELTS essay How did you decide to do what you do for living?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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