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How could I change the world

How could I change the world GWOym
If I were able to change one thing in my country, I would ensure that everyone can exercise freely in public spaces. There is no doubt that physical activity is an essential component of a healthy lifestyle. Unfortunately, in Mexico and some other parts of the world, there are not enough public places where people can exercise in optimal conditions. Therefore, I would build more open spaces and improve the quality of sporting equipment in order to promote physical activity among people. The design and management of public spaces are fundamental assets for a city and have a positive impact on its economy. For this reason, investments in these spaces improve the health and well-being of their inhabitants, reduce the impact of climate change, encourage people to walk and bicycle, increase safety and decrease fears of crime. If the power were in my hands, I would build more sports facilities such as tennis courts, fronton, basketball courts, swimming pools, as well as races in all the cities of Mexico so that people of all ages, particularly young people, can exercise free of charge. I would also install roofs and lights on outdoor courts to ensure that people can exercise at night as well as during adverse weather conditions. Additionally, I would improve the quality of all sports equipment in public places, and separate them into different sections for children, teens, and adults. In fact, a well-designed and safe urban space would make it easier for people to engage with the community and become active. Furthermore, in order to motivate people, especially teens, I would install high-quality fitness equipment, including treadmills and ellipticals with Bluetooth displays, where users can listen to music and watch videos while exercising. As mentioned before, I believe that if people were able to exercise outdoors without restriction and had facilities to do so, the world would be a better place for everyone, which is why I would like to improve public spaces and sports equipment in every city across my country.
If I were able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
one thing in my country, I would ensure that everyone can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
freely
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spaces
. There is no doubt that physical activity is an essential component of a healthy lifestyle. Unfortunately, in Mexico and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other parts of the world, there are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
places where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
in optimal conditions.
Therefore
, I would build more open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spaces
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
the quality of sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equipment
in order to promote physical activity among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

The design and management of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spaces
are fundamental assets for a city and have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on its economy.
For this reason
, investments in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spaces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
the health and well-being of their inhabitants,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the impact of climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to walk and bicycle, increase safety and decrease fears of crime. If the power were in my hands, I would build more sports facilities such as tennis courts,
Possible spelling mistake found.
fronton
, basketball courts, swimming pools,
as well
as races in all the cities of Mexico
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all ages,
particularly
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
free of charge. I would
also
install roofs and lights on outdoor courts to ensure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
at night
as well
as during adverse weather conditions.

Additionally
, I would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
the quality of all sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equipment
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
places, and separate them into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sections for children, teens, and adults. In fact, a well-designed and safe urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to engage with the community and become active.
Furthermore
, in order to motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
teens, I would install high-quality fitness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equipment
, including treadmills and ellipticals with Bluetooth displays, where users can listen to music and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
videos while exercising.

As mentioned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, I believe that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
outdoors without restriction and had facilities to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the world would be a better place for everyone, which is why I would like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spaces
and sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equipment
in every city across my country.
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IELTS essay How could I change the world

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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