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In many corporations around the world there are fewer women than men in some management positions, and many people believe that this has created inequality in the workplace. Discuss the reasons why this is? How can we solve inequality in the workplace?

In many corporations around the world there are fewer women than men in some management positions, and many people believe that this has created inequality in the workplace. Discuss the reasons why this is? How can we solve inequality in the workplace? r8aNp
Nowadays, the inequality between men and women has always been a significant issue in society. Therefore it effects in the number of males and females in jobs. In many corporations, there are fewer women than men in some management positions, and a lot of people believe that this creates an inequality in the workplace and the following essay will discuss this. Firstly, there is an inequality between women and men because of unequal pay. For example, in some countries male workers earn more money than female even when they do the same amount of work and women are often criticized when their request for a higher pay or a similar amount that male employees earn. Another reason is some employers do not want female workers in their workplaces because when they go on maternity leave, they should pay a little amount of their salary. Finally, there are some jobs which is not popular with females. For example, female drivers are not popular in the world and I’ve never seen a female taxi driver in my country but as I know it is popular in Japan. However, there are jobs as well, which is not popular with males as a nurse. They are more female nurses than male ones. There are several things to solve this problem. The most important one encourages women and government should help females to find jobs and have an equal salary with males. In conclusion, I think women should give sexist employers to the jail and government should always support female workers.
Nowadays, the inequality between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
has always been a significant issue in society.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it effects in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
corporations, there are fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
management positions, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that this creates an inequality in the workplace and the following essay will discuss this.

Firstly
, there is an inequality between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of unequal pay.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries male workers earn more money than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
even when they do the same amount of work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
criticized when their request for a higher pay or a similar amount that male employees earn. Another reason is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
employers do not want
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
workers in their workplaces
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when they go on maternity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
, they should pay a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
amount of their salary.
Finally
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
drivers are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
in the world and I’ve never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
taxi driver in my country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as I know it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
in Japan.
However
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
as well
, which is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
as a nurse. They are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
nurses than male ones.

There are several things to solve this problem. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
one encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and have an equal salary with males.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should give sexist employers to the jail and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should always support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
workers.

IELTS essay In many corporations around the world there are fewer women than men in some management positions, and many people believe that this has created inequality in the workplace. Discuss the reasons why this is? How can we solve inequality in the workplace?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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