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The government should only spend money on enhancing the people life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The government should only spend money on enhancing the people life. bY2nW
It is considered that the main purpose of the state is developing the life of an individual. However, the issue is not entirely straightforward and arguments could be made against the idea. It seems to me that every action made by the authority is related to enhancing the human's life, although some areas should not be forgotten by the authority. Looking from one angle, those who support the idea that the regime should prioritize a person's life explain this there is not something that could be more valuable than individual life. Hence, it is necessary to provide more financial resources in order to improve each aspect of a person's life. For instance, such social institutions as education, health care, and the justice system must be heavily subsidized just for enhancing of folk's existence. Furthermore, assistants of this point of view claim that the more developed person's life, the better general life in the world. Nevertheless, the opponents of this idea point out that there are other areas that should be financed by the authority. Despite the value of the person's life, there are other species in the world which also are considered not less valuable. Therefore the government should not omit the environment and, without a doubt, should provide money for its improvement. Because of the enhancing of surroundings influence not only on one individual life but also for the next generation in general. Overall, all in the world are related to each other and if the power will be focus just on one aspect of life, another might degrade and this might affect an individual. For that reason, I strongly believe that the authority should use money consciously and wisely.
It
is considered
that the main purpose of the state is developing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
.
However
, the issue is not
entirely
straightforward and arguments could
be made
against the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. It seems to me that every action made by the authority
is related
to enhancing the human's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas should not
be forgotten
by the authority.

Looking from one angle, those who support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the regime should prioritize a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
this there is not something that could be more valuable than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Hence
, it is necessary to provide more financial resources in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
each aspect of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For instance
, such social institutions as education, health care, and the justice system
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
heavily
subsidized
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for enhancing of folk's existence.
Furthermore
, assistants of this point of view claim that the more developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, the better general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in the world.

Nevertheless
, the opponents of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
point out that there are other areas that should
be financed
by the authority. Despite the value of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, there are other species in the world which
also
are considered
not less valuable.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should not omit the environment and, without a doubt, should provide money for its improvement.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the enhancing of surroundings influence not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the
next
generation
in general
.

Overall
, all in the world
are related
to each other and if the power will be focus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
on one aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, another might degrade and this might affect an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
. For that reason, I
strongly
believe that the authority should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
money
consciously
and
wisely
.

IELTS essay The government should only spend money on enhancing the people life.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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