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high school students should not have a part-time job

high school students should not have a part-time job VY93A
Firstly, students having a side job tend to have worse academic achievement. In fact, a job can interfere with essential study time or important extracurricular activities. Take me as an example, I was once employed as a tutor for an English teaching centre. Due to a packed timetable, I was usually fatigued and sleep-deprived, which means I could not concentrate and perform my best in classes. As a result, I started receiving poorer grades, missing my school’s required after-school activities and being stressful with finding balance with school and work. Therefore, a part-time job during adolescence is an unnecessary burden which can negatively affect high schoolers’ academic performance. Secondly, these part-time jobs fail to teach teenagers valuable skills. Indeed, since most side jobs for highschool students, which are extremely simple, can not help students advance their competence. For instance, take the cashier, which is the most common part-time job as an example. Becoming a waiter, students only need to stand at the register for a long time, process the payments and bag the customers’ goods. It is clear that most part-time jobs like the cashier, only require time and carefulness, which is not an ideal environment to practice skills comprehensively. As a result, the amount of skills high schoolers wish to obtain after holding a side job is obviously unsatisfactory.
Firstly
,
students
having a side
job
tend to have worse academic achievement. In fact, a
job
can interfere with essential study time or
important
extracurricular activities. Take me as an example, I was once employed as a tutor for an English teaching
centre
. Due to a packed timetable, I was
usually
fatigued and sleep-deprived, which means I could not concentrate and perform my best in classes.
As a result
, I
started
receiving poorer grades, missing my school’s required after-school activities and being stressful with finding balance with school and work.
Therefore
, a part-time
job
during adolescence is an unnecessary burden which can
negatively
affect
high schoolers’ academic performance.

Secondly
, these part-time
jobs
fail to teach
teenagers
valuable
skills
.
Indeed
, since most side
jobs
for
highschool
students
, which are
extremely
simple, can not
help
students
advance their competence.
For instance
, take the cashier, which is the most common part-time
job
as an example. Becoming a waiter,
students
only
need to stand at the register for a long time, process the payments and bag the customers’
goods
. It is
clear
that most part-time
jobs
like the cashier,
only
require time and carefulness, which is not an ideal environment to practice
skills
comprehensively
.
As a result
, the amount of
skills
high schoolers wish to obtain after holding a side
job
is
obviously
unsatisfactory.
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IELTS essay high school students should not have a part-time job

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
220 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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