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high income consideering whil ejo bsekking

high income consideering whil ejo bsekking BL8LX
Nowadays, a large number of people believe that high salary is the main factor when seeking for a career. In my point of view, I absolutely disagree with this opinion and will provide supporting details through the following reasons. Firstly, high salary is not the main reason to choose a career. You should take into consideration if you like to do this career or not when job-hunting. Even though people who can earn a living, that doesn’t mean they are happy with their job. For example, an individual who have a high income can take care of their family or themselves. However, if they do not enjoy their occupation, they can find it stressful and will eventually suffer from depression. A well-paid job may indeed improve your life and provide material, but it doesn’t ensure that you’ll be happy following that career. Secondly, many research have shown that those who have chosen the job they always wanted to do as a child are more likely to be successful, due to the motivation and passion they have for the career. Moreover, those who are doing what they like are more likely to look into the career, thus learning new skills of that job. Furthermore, there are people who are so persuade they improved themselves to have the strength and willpower so they can overcome obstacles, be able to do what they love. In conclusion, high income is not the main reason one should choose a job while job-seeking, it is essential to look into job satisfaction while picking a career.
Nowadays,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salary is the main factor when seeking for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. In my point of view, I
absolutely
disagree with this opinion and will provide supporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
through the following reasons.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salary is not the main reason to choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. You should take into consideration if you like to do this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
or not when job-hunting.
Even though
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can earn a living, that doesn’t mean they are happy with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
For example
, an individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
income can take care of their family or themselves.
However
, if they do not enjoy their occupation, they can find it stressful and will
eventually
suffer from depression. A well-paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
may
indeed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
your life and provide material,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it doesn’t ensure that you’ll be happy following that career.

Secondly
,
Possible agreement error. The noun research seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much research", "a good deal of research".
many research
have shown that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have chosen the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
they always wanted to do as a child are more likely to be successful, due to the motivation and passion they have for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
Moreover
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are doing what they like are more likely to look into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
,
thus
learning new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Furthermore
, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Consider using a past participle here: "persuaded".
persuade
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
themselves to have the strength and willpower
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can overcome obstacles, be able to do what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
income is not the main reason one should choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
while job-seeking, it is essential to look into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction while picking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
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IELTS essay high income consideering whil ejo bsekking

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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