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money is the important factor for happiness

money is the important factor for happiness Owbd7
For some people, one of the most important things in someone’s happiness is money. This essay agrees that money is indeed a vital factor to be happy. We need money in everything we do. When we want to fulfill our biological or physiological requirements, which is to buy some food, clothes, drinks, and a house, money is what we need to make it happen. I can say that money is the most essential thing in our lives, even though we also have belongingness and love needs, esteem needs, and so on, but we can barely survive a day without any money. When we can fulfill all of our needs, especially the physiological needs, happiness will come to us. For example, when we have enough money to buy any food and drink we want everyday, and also we are not struggling with buying clothes, and we have a nice house to stay in, we will feel really happy and grateful. On the other hand, if we don’t have any money, we are struggling everyday to buy food and drink, we don’t have proper clothes to use, and we are homeless, it is going to be really hard to feel happy and we will feel stress everyday thinking how to fulfill those essential needs. It is also hard to earn money. We need to get a job and work hard to get good salaries. After we work really hard on our job, and it is time to get our salary, we will feel really happy because we will feel that our hard work has paid off by the salary. For example, if we already work hard and work overtime almost everyday to do our best on our job, we will feel really excited to receive the salary. It’s because we feel that we have already wasted so much time and energy for this job, and we deserve to receive the salary. So, we will feel the happiness of receiving the salary after our hard work on that job. In conclusion, this essay agrees with the opinion that money is one of the most important things in a person’s happiness. This is because we need money to fulfill all of our needs everyday, and we will feel happiness straight away after our needs are fulfilled. The second reason is that we will feel happy when it is time to receive our salary after our hard work on our job.
For
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some
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people
, one of the most
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important
things in someone’s
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happiness
is
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money
. This essay
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agrees
that
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money
is
indeed
a vital factor to be happy.

We
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need
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money
in everything we do. When we want to fulfill our biological or physiological requirements, which is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
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some
food, clothes, drinks, and a
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house
,
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money
is what we
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need
to
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make
it happen. I can say that
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money
is the most essential thing in our
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lives
,
even though
we
also
have
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belongingness
and
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love
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needs
, esteem
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needs
, and
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so
on,
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but
we can
barely
survive a day without any
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money
. When we can fulfill all of our
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needs
,
especially
the physiological
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needs
,
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happiness
will
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come
to us.
For example
, when we have
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enough
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money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
any food and drink we want
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
, and
also
we are not struggling with buying clothes, and we have a nice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
to stay in, we will
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feel
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really
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happy
and grateful.
On the other hand
, if we don’t have any
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money
, we are struggling
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
food and drink, we don’t have proper clothes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, and we are homeless, it is going to be
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really
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hard
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
happy and
we will
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feel
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stress
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everyday
thinking how to fulfill those essential needs.

It is
also
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hard
to earn
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money
. We
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need
to
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get
a
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job
and
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work
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hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
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salaries
. After we
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work
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really
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hard
on our
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job
, and it is time to
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get
our
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salary
, we will
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feel
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really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
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because
we will
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feel
that our
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hard
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work
has paid off by the
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salary
.
For example
, if we already
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work
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hard
and
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work
overtime almost
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
to do our best on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, we will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
excited to receive the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
. It’s
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because
we
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feel
that we have already wasted
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so
much time and energy for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, and we deserve to receive the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we will
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feel
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
of receiving the
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salary
after our
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hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on that job.

In conclusion
, this essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things in a person’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to fulfill all of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
, and we will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
straight away after our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
are fulfilled
. The second reason is that we will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
when it is time to receive our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
after our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
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IELTS essay money is the important factor for happiness

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
406 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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