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help for local communities by the youth

help for local communities by the youth LBy3V
Many people suggest that the youth should take steps to help the local societies in their free time without expecting any pay. Moreover, they think that it would be beneficial not only for a teenager but also for the whole community. I agree with this essay on the fact that in doing so, it creates a path for the future for a teenager and helps the society to grow in terms of health both mental and physical. To begin with, Once a student is done with college on a daily basis, this leaves them with a lot of leisure time. Most of the youth make proper use of this free time while others misuse it. As the local residents need help of the fact that they are very few people to take care of them. Many people advise the youth to give them a hand in those types of situations. If the youth helps the elderly of the local community, this results in a good foundation for students which is very helpful for the future. For instance, By interacting with the societies the youth can increase their communication skills and this type of work is added to the resume of scholars, therefore it adds as an advantage in acquiring a job. Students should not expect money and consider this work as volunteering and social service work. On the other hand, there are an enormous number of advantages to the society if the youth opt for volunteer work for local societies. The students who take part in helping are not expecting any salary, therefore this eliminates the expenses of the community. Moreover, In doing these tasks, improves the health of the people in the societies. They do not feel lonely because there is someone who wants to help them. Therefore, with the student's help there will be an positive effect on health both physically and mentally. For example, In India, after the establishment of volunteer campaigns there is has been a 20% increase in healthcare of the population. To conclude, As the local societies need help, it would be extremely beneficial for them if receive help from teenagers as most of them do not charge for it. This will be advantageous for the student because this will increase their communication skills, and also it is added as volunteer work in their resume. With regards to society, this has merits in many aspects such as improvement in health and elimination of loneliness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suggest that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
should take steps to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
in their free time without expecting any pay.
Moreover
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it would be beneficial not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the whole community. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this essay on the fact that in doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, it creates a path for the future for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
to grow in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
both


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
mental
and physical.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, Once a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is done
with college on a daily basis, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
them with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
leisure time. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
proper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of this free time while others misuse it.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of the fact that they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take care of them.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
advise the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
to give them a hand in those types of situations. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
the elderly of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
community, this results in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
foundation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful for the future.
For instance
, By interacting with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
can increase their communication
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
skills


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to the resume of scholars,
therefore
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
as an advantage in acquiring a job.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
money and consider this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as volunteering and social service work.

On the other hand
, there are an enormous number of advantages to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
opt for volunteer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in helping are not expecting any salary,
therefore
this eliminates the expenses of the community.
Moreover
, In doing these tasks,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
. They do not feel lonely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is someone who wants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them.
Therefore
, with the student's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
there will be
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
both
physically
and mentally.
For example
, In India, after the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
establishment


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
of
volunteer campaigns there is has been a 20% increase in healthcare of the population.

To conclude
, As the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
, it would be
extremely
beneficial for them if receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
as most of them do not charge for it. This will be advantageous for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this will increase their communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, and
also
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
as volunteer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in their resume.
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, this has merits in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects such as
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
improvement


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and elimination of loneliness.
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IELTS essay help for local communities by the youth

Essay
  American English
9 paragraphs
410 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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