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healthcare should be focused

healthcare should be focused 9BNKW
Every year the government has allocated a lot of money for the prevention and cure of the public most common diseases. In terms of expenses, effective prevention is, in the long run, less costly than cure. Personally i agreed that spending public money to promote a healthy lifestyle for the prevention of illnesses is more importantly than for the treatment of already ill people. For those who advocate the opinion of spending money on health facilities. On the one hand, it would seem that the well-being of citizens must be guaranteed because it yields the prosperity of society. Futhermore, the absence of a health care leads to the increasing rate of mortality and the decrease of quality life provided to a citizen. For instance, if healthcare services are at reasonable prices because of supporting from government, it could become affordable for poor people to get treatment of disease without economical burden. On the other hand, antagonists might agrue that authorities should give more importance to other facilities such as sports, education etc. Schools should be built in large numbers because every citizen have a right to education, which is mandatory and essential in today's world. It should also build gymnasium and playgrounds for physical development of citizens. For higher studies, in government colleges, fees should be less so that they can make their career and became successful person in life. Moreover, public transport should be improved so that more and more people like to opt for it. Condition of roads should be bettered. Facilities for the elderly cannot be ignored in the greying society of today. To sum up, both dark and bright sides of the pictures are noticed. I strongly belive that prevention is better than cure, so the govement should pay more attention to promote a healthy lifestyle.
Every year the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has allocated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
and cure of the public most common diseases. In terms of expenses, effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
is, in the long run, less costly than cure.
Personally
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that spending public money to promote a healthy lifestyle for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
of illnesses is more
importantly
than for the treatment of already ill
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

For those who advocate the opinion of spending money on health facilities. On the one hand, it would seem that the well-being of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be guaranteed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it yields the prosperity of society.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Futhermore
, the absence of a health care leads to the increasing rate of mortality and the decrease of quality life provided to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizen
.
For instance
, if healthcare services are at reasonable prices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of supporting from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, it could become affordable for poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
treatment of disease without economical burden.

On the other hand
, antagonists might
Possible spelling mistake found.
agrue
that authorities should give more importance to other facilities such as sports, education etc. Schools should
be built
in large numbers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizen
have a right to education, which is mandatory and essential in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world. It should
also
build gymnasium and playgrounds for physical development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
. For higher studies, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
colleges, fees should be less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their career and became successful person in life.
Moreover
, public transport should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like to opt for it. Condition of roads should
be bettered
. Facilities for the elderly cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
greying
society of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.

To sum up, both dark and bright sides of the pictures
are noticed
. I
strongly
Possible spelling mistake found.
belive
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
is better than cure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
govement
should pay more attention to promote a healthy lifestyle.
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IELTS essay healthcare should be focused

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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