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Healthcare industry is improving day by day, and it leads to rise of the life expectancy. In other words, the n

Healthcare industry is improving day by day, and it leads to rise of the life expectancy. In other words, the n GLXbQ
Healthcare industry is improving day by day, and it leads to rise of the life expectancy. In other words, the number of elderly citizens is increasing, and it raises concerns in the society about problems it might cause. In my opinion, if governments apply certain rules, there will be no need to worry. The increased number of older people brings several problems, one of them being overpopulation. It is obvious that if people live longer, the size of the population will continue rising at a never-before-seen speed, and in a few decades, there will not be enough space for everyone on Earth. To my mind, the problem is not about the individuals who are living longer than expected, it is the number of newborn babies that makes the world overpopulated. I think that the governments should introduce restrictions on the amount of children parents can have. This way, population can be kept at a certain level for many years to come. To illustrate, China has one-child policy which kept population's growth rate less than 0. 5%, while this figure is close to 2% in the world. Another issue we might face with more elderly people is that they mostly retire at a certain age, and they do not have any apparent benefit to the society afterwards. Since the imroved healthcare means that people are healthier compared to the previous years, I believe that the governments can increase retirement age and even benefit from the years of knowledge the elderly have gained through their lives. For instance, 20 years ago, Azerbaijan had a retirement age of 61, which was raised to 65 step-by-step. Consequently, our country witnessed economical improvements thanks to this change. To conclude, while aging citizens might introduce a number of issues, government regulations on birth rate and retirement can prevent them.
Healthcare industry is improving day by day, and it leads to rise of the life expectancy.
In other words
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of elderly citizens is increasing, and it raises concerns in the society about problems it might cause. In my opinion, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
apply certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, there will be no need to worry.

The increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
brings several problems, one of them being overpopulation. It is obvious that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer, the size of the population will continue rising at a never-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
speed, and in a few decades, there will not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
space for everyone on Earth. To my mind, the problem is not about the individuals who are living longer than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
, it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of newborn babies that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the world overpopulated. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should introduce restrictions on the amount of children parents can have. This way, population can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
at a certain level for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
. To illustrate, China has one-child policy which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
population's growth rate less than 0. 5%, while this figure is close to 2% in the world.

Another issue we might face with more elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
that they
mostly
retire at a certain age, and they do not have any apparent benefit to the society afterwards. Since the
Possible spelling mistake found.
imroved
healthcare means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are healthier compared to the previous years, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
can increase retirement age and even benefit from the years of knowledge the elderly have gained through their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For instance
, 20 years ago, Azerbaijan had a retirement age of 61, which
was raised
to 65 step-by-step.
Consequently
, our country witnessed economical improvements thanks to this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.

To conclude
, while aging citizens might introduce a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of issues,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
regulations on birth rate and retirement can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them.
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IELTS essay Healthcare industry is improving day by day, and it leads to rise of the life expectancy. In other words, the n

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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