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Health problems are related to been obese due to lack of physical activities,what do u think how it can be overcome???

Health problems are related to been obese due to lack of physical activities, what do u think how it can be overcome? ? ? x2n1o
According to some people the rise in the number of obese people is a burden on medical facilities because overweight people are more likely to develop health problems. In their opinion, adding more physical education lessons to the school curriculum is the most effective solution to this problem. While I do admit that adding more physical training sessions will help students burn calories and control their weight, this measure is not a complete solution. There are mainly two reasons for obesity. One of them is the sedentary lifestyle. The other is the excessive consumption of junk food. Adding more physical education sessions to the school programs will certainly force students to play a sport and burn the excess calories in their body. Children who grow up playing physical sports are more likely to maintain this habit and stay physically active as adults too. Thus, obviously, adding more fitness sessions to the school programs will certainly make students healthier and reduce their chances of gaining weight. On the other hand, lack of physical activity is not the only cause of obesity. Actually, a bigger cause is the excessive consumption of oily and sugary foods and drinks. Without reducing the intake of junk food, it is not possible to control weight gain in young people. Limiting the intake of calories is always a better solution than burning those excess calories by working out. Hence, in addition to making physical education a mandatory part of the school curriculum, the government should encourage young people to reduce their consumption of fast food. This can be achieved by creating awareness among students. Another solution is to make junk food costlier by increasing tax on it. In conclusion, adding more sports sessions to school curriculums will certainly reduce weight gain in youngsters and make them healthier. However, it is not a total solution as in order to maintain healthy body weight, people also need to limit their intake of calorie rich junk food. Hence, I do not quite agree with the argument that giving more physical education lessons to students is the best way to prevent obesity.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the rise in the number of obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is a burden on medical facilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more likely to develop health problems. In their opinion, adding more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
lessons to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum is the most effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
to this problem. While I do admit that adding more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sessions
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
burn calories and control their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
, this measure is not a complete solution.

There are
mainly
two reasons for obesity. One of them is the sedentary lifestyle. The other is the excessive consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. Adding more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sessions
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
programs will
certainly
force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to play a sport and burn the excess calories in their body. Children who grow up playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
sports are more likely to maintain this habit and stay
physically
active as adults too.
Thus
,
obviously
, adding more fitness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sessions
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
programs will
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
healthier and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their chances of gaining weight.

On the other hand
, lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
cause of obesity. Actually, a bigger cause is the excessive consumption of oily and sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and drinks. Without reducing the intake of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, it is not possible to control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
gain in young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Limiting the intake of calories is always a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
than burning those excess calories by working out.
Hence
,
in addition
to making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
a mandatory part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should encourage young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their consumption of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. This can
be achieved
by creating awareness among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
costlier by increasing tax on it.

In conclusion
, adding more sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sessions
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculums will
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
gain in youngsters and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them healthier.
However
, it is not a total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
as in order to maintain healthy body
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
need to limit their intake of calorie rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Hence
, I do not quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the argument that giving more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
lessons to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
obesity.
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IELTS essay Health problems are related to been obese due to lack of physical activities, what do u think how it can be overcome? ? ?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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