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health degrading in future?

health degrading in future? NV9md
Nowadays there is a raging talks about mental health be it in primary sector or secondary sector. I think mental health will degrade in future and here are my reasons for it. Firstly there is too much involvement of technology in our lives nowadays. People are more stuck to their phones rather than look out or do something, even move. There are many technological advances that will either take away our day to day activity or as called evidently help us. Nowadays, there are electronic butlers that will even bring us a glass of water, people will take advantage of it and basic walking like waking up to take up a glass of water will be deteriorated by it. Secondly there is the unhealthy and toxic cultures and diets that the celebrities promote and our youth follows it. People nowadays are more leaned towards their diet and will eat anything they like or they have time for. At last, I would like say that some people often think that technology will lead us to a better future but it will come with its ill effects
Nowadays
there is a raging talks about mental health be it in primary sector or secondary sector. I
think
mental health will degrade in future and here are my reasons for it.
Firstly
there is too much involvement of technology in our
lives
nowadays
.
People
are more stuck to their phones
rather
than look out or do something, even
move
. There are
many
technological advances that will either take away our
day to day
activity or as called
evidently
help
us.
Nowadays
, there are electronic butlers that will even bring us a glass of water,
people
will take advantage of it and basic walking like waking up to take up a glass of water will
be deteriorated
by it.
Secondly
there is the unhealthy and toxic cultures and diets that the celebrities promote and our youth follows it.
People
nowadays
are more leaned towards their diet and will eat anything they
like or
they have time for. At last, I would like say that
some
people
often
think
that technology will lead us to a better future
but
it will
come
with its ill
effects
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IELTS essay health degrading in future?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
184 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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