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Health Crisis and Obesity

Health Crisis and Obesity LbRGK
In this day and age, people in many countries are facing various difficulties to cope up with the myriads of challenges. Health crisis is one of the most important ones to look after to avoid drastic changes in the quality of our day-to-day lifestyle. the level of health and fitness is directly connected to the way that people live. In some countries around the world, the weight of people is increasing. Firstly, nowadays, people are more focused on the convenience rather than the quality of life. Also, as people have become more and more busy with their work-life, so most of them eat a significant amount of times at restaurants. However, though the foods are readily available almost in every street corner of the city or town but the quality of food can be questionable. Secondly, the ingredients are used to pre-process the foods are not up to the mark. Thirdly, most of the people are working in a small cubicle or working from home which significantly decreasing the chances of physical movements or exercises. Fourthly, the lack of motivation to allocate some time to exercise also contributing to the factor. these days, the problems are increasing in a very fast pace and it is quite difficult to provide an instant solution to overcome the shortcomings. However, as soon as people start to realize that there is an ongoing problem, better they will be inclined to take necessary measures to make a change in their lifestyle including daily food habits, exercise routines, sleeping early and many more. There is no alternative to self-motivation but government, and non-government organizations can work together to encourage people to live a healthy lifestyle, make guidelines on healthy foods and so on. Also, people can help each other to overcome these health crises. in conclusion, the level of obesity on the rise and every year the numbers are increasing significantly, which result in various diseases including cardiovascular diseases. Necessary steps should be taken as early as possible to overcome the problems.
In this day and age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries are facing various difficulties to cope up with the myriads of challenges. Health crisis is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
ones to look after to avoid drastic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the quality of our day-to-day lifestyle.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
level of health and fitness is
directly
connected to the way that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries around the world, the weight of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is increasing.
Firstly
, nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more focused on the convenience
rather
than the quality of life.
Also
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become more and more busy with their work-life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
most of them eat a significant amount of times at restaurants.
However
, though the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are
readily
available almost in every street corner of the city or town
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
can be questionable.
Secondly
, the ingredients are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-process
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are not up to the mark.
Thirdly
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are working in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
cubicle or working from home which
significantly
decreasing the chances of physical movements or exercises.
Fourthly
, the lack of motivation to allocate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time to exercise
also
contributing to the factor.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
these
days, the problems are increasing in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace and it is quite difficult to provide an instant solution to overcome the shortcomings.
However
, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to realize that there is an ongoing problem, better they will
be inclined
to take necessary measures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in their lifestyle including daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
habits, exercise routines, sleeping early and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. There is no alternative to self-motivation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, and non-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
organizations can work together to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a healthy lifestyle,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
guidelines on healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
each other to overcome these health crises.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
conclusion, the level of obesity on the rise and every year the numbers are increasing
significantly
, which result in various diseases including cardiovascular diseases. Necessary steps should
be taken
as early as possible to overcome the problems.
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IELTS essay Health Crisis and Obesity

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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