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he government should subsidize students who study faculties highly demanded from the society and reduce funding others

he government should subsidize students who study faculties highly demanded from the society and reduce funding others 1baMN
For years, there has been a gap between the number of graduates from the university and the demand of labor market, particularly in certain fields. Therefore, some people suggest that the government should subsidize students who study faculties highly demanded from the society and reduce funding others. This essay outlines the upsides and downsides of this view and gives my opinion on this issue. Firstly, this policy would reduce unemployment rate because it would reduce the number of people studying jobs with low employment oppotunites. Secondly, such a policy would address the shortage of labor in some necessary works such as teacher, nurse or police. For example, in Vietnam, for a long time, there was a lack of teacher in secondary schools, so the government applied free-tuition program for training teachers in universities. As a result, more people went to this sector and now the demand for teachers in school is satisfied. On the other hand, this approach would cause inequality in education as people have different abilities and they could not all go a handful of faculties subsidized by the government. Therefore, people who studied subjects out of list of beng funded would have to suffer a heavier financial burden that others. In addition, the needs of the market would change so quickly that the government could not react on time with such changes. Consequently, it would make the gap between education and market bigger and unemployment rate may increase. To exemplify, five years ago, it was easy to get a job in finance industry with high income and good benefit. People were attracted and a huge number of people went to finance universities. However, now, there is a redundancy in this sector and many people have to change their jobs or be unemployed. In conclusion, I oppose this policy due to its disadvantage outweigh its advantage. Providing sufficient information and job guidance program would be more useful in helping people to choose their career.
For years, there has been a gap between the number of graduates from the university and the demand of labor market,
particularly
in certain fields.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suggest that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should subsidize students who study faculties
highly
demanded from the society and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
funding others. This essay outlines the upsides and downsides of this view and gives my opinion on this issue.

Firstly
, this policy would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
unemployment rate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
with low employment
Possible spelling mistake found.
oppotunites
.
Secondly
, such a policy would address the shortage of labor in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
necessary works such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
, nurse or police.
For example
, in Vietnam, for a long time, there was a lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
in secondary schools,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
applied free-tuition program for training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
in universities.
As a result
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
went to this sector and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
in school
is satisfied
.

On the other hand
, this approach would cause inequality in education as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
abilities and
they could not all go a handful of faculties subsidized by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who studied subjects out of list of
Possible spelling mistake found.
beng
funded would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer a heavier financial burden that others.
In addition
, the needs of the market would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
quickly
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could not react on time with such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
Consequently
, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the gap between education and market bigger and unemployment rate may increase. To exemplify, five years ago, it was easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in finance industry with high income and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
benefit.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
were attracted
and a huge number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
went to finance universities.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, there is a redundancy in this sector and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
or
be unemployed
.

In conclusion
, I oppose this policy due to its disadvantage outweigh its advantage. Providing sufficient information and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
guidance program would be more useful in helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to choose their career.
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IELTS essay he government should subsidize students who study faculties highly demanded from the society and reduce funding others

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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