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having more than one job at the same time of such workers and the instability of their career when they change it several times during their life.

having more than one job at the same time of such workers and the instability of their career when they change it several times during their life. 2RPrk
One major topic of concern in today’s world is the decision on having more than one job at the same time of such workers and the instability of their career when they change it several times during their life. I completely agree with the workers' decision and this essay will discuss two benefits of the issue. First and foremost, it is hard to deny that working in several jobs helps individuals accumulate experience not only for their career but also for their daily life. This can be explained that workers have to face actual situations at work and overcome the hardship, and after that, they may learn such skills which are not written in any books. Moreover, when people have more experience, applying for a higher position at work is not a problem anymore, thus, they may earn a higher salary to have a better quality of life. Furthermore, changing careers several times may have benefits to workers by helping them to decide on which job is the most suitable. A research conducted on one billion full-time workers has shown that there are only 15% who are engaged with their work while the other 85% are unhappy at work. This especially works with young people who have just graduated from universities, most of whom have no idea of the direction they should go and what they do is following their parents' steps. After a while they may feel that the job they chose is not actually suitable for them, so to avoid this situation, trying several jobs before deciding is a better way. In conclusion, individuals who work at more than one job and change their careers several times in their life may have some benefits such as accumulating experience or having a right decision on their career. Government and companies should create more job opportunities so that each individual can choose their most suitable work and feel happy when they do it.
One major topic of concern in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world is the decision on having more than one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
and the instability of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
it several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
during their life. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the workers' decision and this essay will discuss two benefits of the issue.

First
and foremost, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to deny that working in several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
individuals accumulate experience not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for their daily life. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face actual situations at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and overcome the hardship, and after that, they may learn such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which are not written in any books.
Moreover
, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have more experience, applying for a higher position at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is not a problem anymore,
thus
, they may earn a higher salary to have a better quality of life.

Furthermore
, changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
may have benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
by helping them to decide on which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is the most suitable.
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
A research
conducted on one billion full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
has shown that there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
15% who
are engaged
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
while the other 85% are unhappy at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This
especially
works with young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
graduated from universities, most of whom have no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of the direction they should go and what they do is following their parents' steps. After a while they may feel that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
they chose is not actually suitable for them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
to avoid this situation, trying several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
deciding is a better way.

In conclusion
, individuals who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at more than one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
in their life may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits such as accumulating experience or having a right decision on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should create more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that each individual can choose their most suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and feel happy when they do it.
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IELTS essay having more than one job at the same time of such workers and the instability of their career when they change it several times during their life.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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