Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion. v.13

Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. v. 13
Throughout their lives people have to manage time and money. Some believe that having more money and less free time is better than vice versa. Each group has their opinions based on their preferences. Some advocate that money is more important than time. First of all, should people have better incomes they would be able to fulfil their needs more easily and they would probably not feel any economic pressure. For instance, taxes, education, food and many other goods and services require people to spend most of their salary in order to fulfil such needs. Although this implies a significant lifestyle improvement, it is sure to be followed by stressful schedules and probably lack of sleep due to the limited amount of free time available. It is scientifically proven that stress and lack of sleep could cause serious health problems. On the contrary, some people argue that it is better to have more free time and less money. To begin with, having extra hours can improve one’s physical and psychological health. In fact, most of this time could be invested doing exercise, visiting relatives or relaxing after long and tedious days, which will improve one’s confidence and mood. Additionally, people could spend extra hours practising abilities like playing an instrument, writing or learning a new language which is always useful. Nonetheless, some luxuries might have to be replaced. For example, people might choose public transport instead of buying a new car, or cancel online services due to the more pressing needs that must be satisfied. In conclusion, both money and time are essential for a balanced lifestyle. In my opinion, it is important to manage both in order to fulfil basic needs, but without overlooking social interaction, health and time to spend doing something one likes.
Throughout their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that having more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and less free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is better than vice versa. Each group has
'Each', 'every', 'either' and 'neither' are used with singular and thus take a singular pronoun: "his", "her", "his or her", "its"
their
opinions based on their preferences.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
advocate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have better incomes they would be able to fulfil their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
easily and
they would
probably
not feel any economic pressure.
For instance
, taxes, education, food and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to spend most of their salary in order to fulfil such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
. Although this implies a significant lifestyle improvement,
In English, people don't say 'it is sure'. They say, 'it is certain that'. Did you mean "it is certain"?
it is sure
to
be followed
by stressful schedules and
probably
lack of sleep due to the limited amount of free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
available. It is
scientifically
proven that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and lack of sleep could cause serious health problems.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that it is better to have more free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, having extra hours can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
one’s physical and psychological health. In fact, most of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
could
be invested
doing exercise, visiting relatives or relaxing after long and tedious days, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
one’s confidence and mood.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could spend extra hours
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
abilities like playing an instrument, writing or learning a new language which is always useful. Nonetheless,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
luxuries might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be replaced
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might choose public transport
instead
of buying a new car, or cancel online services due to the more pressing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be satisfied
.

In conclusion
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
are essential for a balanced lifestyle. In my opinion, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to manage both in order to fulfil basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
without overlooking social interaction, health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend doing something one likes.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts