Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Having more international sporting events such as Olympic Games may promote world peace. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Having more international sporting events such as Olympic Games may promote world peace. with this statement? 8LYem
International sporting competitions, such as the World Cup or the Olympic Games, bring fans and competitors together but do they always promote positive values and could they potentially be a catalyst for world peace? It is my view that despite some minor issues relating to violence, these events can be extremely useful in promoting positive international relations. It is first necessary to acknowledge that there are, indeed, some issues with these large sporting events. Hooliganism and violence is one such example and recent events at the Euro 2020 football contest highlight this. Soccer seems to be a sport which is plagued by fan violence but I believe that competition organizers are working hard to eradicate this. Despite this issue, I believe that competitions such as the Olympic Games are extremely beneficial when it comes to promoting world peace. The main reason for this is that such competitions are held in different global locations and, as a result, committed fans frequently travel to places they would have never otherwise travelled to. This allows them to experience countries and cultures, learn about traditions and societies and gain a deeper understanding of people around the world. This can surely only have positive effects in the future. The benefits of these competitions do not only apply to the fans. Consider how the competitors themselves benefit from these events as they are exposed to counterparts from other countries and cultures, thus gaining a deeper insight into people they would have never met without such events. I recently watched the opening ceremony of the Olympic Games in Japan and was pleased to see so many countries walking together harmoniously. International sporting events have a few limited issues around violence and inappropriate behaviour by fans. On the whole, however, they allow competitors and supporters to travel and learn about other cultures and, in my view, definitely encourage world peace.
International sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
, such as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
Cup or the Olympic Games, bring fans and competitors together
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
do they always promote
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
values and could they
potentially
be a catalyst for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
peace? It is my view that despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
relating to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
can be
extremely
useful in promoting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
international relations.

It is
first
necessary to acknowledge that there are,
indeed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
with these large sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
. Hooliganism and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
is one such example and recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
at the Euro 2020 football contest highlight this. Soccer seems to be a sport which
is plagued
by fan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
organizers are working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to eradicate this.

Despite this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
such as the Olympic Games are
extremely
beneficial when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
peace. The main reason for this is that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
are held
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
global locations and,
as a result
, committed fans
frequently
travel to places they would have never
otherwise
travelled to. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to experience countries and cultures, learn about traditions and societies and gain a deeper understanding of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. This can
surely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects in the future.

The benefits of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
apply to the fans. Consider how the competitors themselves benefit from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
as they
are exposed
to counterparts from other countries and cultures,
thus
gaining a deeper insight into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
they would have never met without such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
. I recently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
the opening ceremony of the Olympic Games in Japan and was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pleased
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries walking together
harmoniously
.

International sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
have a few limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
around
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
and inappropriate
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
by fans.
On the whole
,
however
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
competitors and supporters to travel and learn about other cultures and, in my view, definitely encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
peace.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Having more international sporting events such as Olympic Games may promote world peace. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
312 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts