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Having difficulty while choosing a job or career for high income.

Having difficulty while choosing a job or career for high income. XVGDN
People and students including: under-graduates and post-graduates are facing many obstacles while choosing jobs and trying to pursue their careers with the aim of generating high income from them. Firstly, I would say that People and students nowadays in the modern era are having huge amount of expenses to be fulfilled in the daily life and require more wages from there jobs, People need massive amount of income to achieve there daily essential needs and get over their dreams. People come from different backgrounds and with different level of knowledge and skills which help him get a better job in different countries, while students are having causalities while choosing their career as they there is a lack of interest and motivation in them due to less mental training and knowledge about different subjects in schools and colleges. Secondly, in this world of new developing technologies everyone is addicted to social media and video-games which is leading them to destroying of there future life, People with lots of degrees are lacking behind while illiterate people with less skills are hired immediately for high income jobs on the first attempt so depends on the luck of a person as well. Thirdly, People must be knowledgeable and have variety of skills in different things they love to do and this can help them do some businesses and get better work in their professions. Nowadays, businesses are increasing in different countries with many entrepreneurs trying to motivate and grab people towards starting up their own job as this will lead to higher profits invested in themselves and population is almost more than seven billion which leading to shortage of jobs and more opening of smaller companies with less income. In conclusion, I would say that I agree with the point that people and students nowadays choose to have those jobs and careers where they can be paid high levels of incomes.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
including: under-graduates and post-graduates are facing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
obstacles while choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and trying to pursue their careers with the aim of generating high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
from them.

Firstly
, I would say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
nowadays in the modern era are having huge amount of expenses to
be fulfilled
in the daily life and require more wages from there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
need massive amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
to achieve there daily essential needs and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
over their dreams.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
backgrounds and with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
level of knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
countries, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are having causalities while choosing their career as they there
Use third-person plural verb with 'they': "are", "were".
is
a lack of interest and motivation in them due to less mental training and knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
subjects in schools and colleges.

Secondly
, in this world of new developing technologies everyone
is addicted
to social media and video-games which is leading them to destroying of there future life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
with lots of degrees are lacking behind while illiterate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun skills is countable.
less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are hired
immediately for high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
on the
first
attempt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
depends on the luck of a person
as well
.
Thirdly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be knowledgeable and have variety of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
things they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to do and this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
businesses and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better work in their professions. Nowadays, businesses are increasing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
countries with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
entrepreneurs trying to motivate and grab
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards starting up their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as this will lead to higher profits invested in themselves and population is almost more than seven billion which leading to shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and more opening of smaller
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
with less income.

In conclusion
, I would say that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the point that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
nowadays choose to have those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and careers where they can
be paid
high levels of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
incomes
.
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IELTS essay Having difficulty while choosing a job or career for high income.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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