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Having an extended family

Having an extended family e3M0x
It is increasingly clear that families share the house with other relatives nowadays. Some people think that an extended family is an essential part of children’ childhood. I partly agree that it is better for a child to have more family members surrounding. First of all, when children are in an extended family, they will bond an emotional connection with more people rather than only a father and a mother. Children will have more stable places to depend on when their parents are busy. Parents cannot always be with their kids whole day and having grandparents or an uncle not working at the same time would be favorable. Sentimentally, children will always be taken care of by someone who is reliably next to. Financially, it would save a lot for parents to rather hire a babysitter. Secondly, by growing up with an extended family, children will develop care and respect for their elders. Children who live in a nuclear family often lack disrespects for elders because parents are too busy working to pay bills. One more thing is that children would have a cousin to hang out with all the time. Especially during the Covid-19 pandemic, having a same age kid around is exceptionally important. On the other hand, some drawbacks do exist. It is lack of privacy and there may be disagreements about how to bring up a child. Grandparents and parents definitely have different points of view about what is good for a kid because of the age gap contrast. Beside, when a child spends a lot of time with other relatives, they will be distant from their parents. In conclusion, having an extended family is undeniably important for children’s childhood. As we can see from the above that extended family has its own pros and cons. It is worth considering the merits than the drawbacks since drawbacks can be flexibly dealt with.
It is
increasingly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
share the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
with other relatives nowadays.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is an essential part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’
childhood. I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is better for a child to have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members surrounding.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, they will bond an emotional connection with more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a father and a mother.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
will have more stable places to depend on when their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are busy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
cannot always be with their kids whole day and having grandparents or an uncle not working at the same time would be favorable.
Sentimentally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will always
be taken
care of by someone who is
reliably
next
to.
Financially
, it would save a lot for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
rather
hire a babysitter.
Secondly
, by growing up with an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will develop care and respect for their elders.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
lack disrespects for elders
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are too busy working to pay bills. One more thing is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would have a cousin to hang out with all the time.
Especially
during the Covid-19 pandemic, having a same age kid around is
exceptionally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks do exist. It is lack of privacy and there may be disagreements about how to bring up a child. Grandparents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
definitely have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
points of view about what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for a kid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the age gap contrast. Beside, when a child spends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time with other relatives, they will be distant from their parents.

In conclusion
, having an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
undeniably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
childhood. As we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
from the above that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pros and cons. It is worth considering the merits than the drawbacks since drawbacks can be
flexibly
dealt with.
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IELTS essay Having an extended family

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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